- 04 Jun 21
The Gods Give Rawk & Rollll Back To You!
The sun is shining, the weather is sweet, the children are trashing bandstands, and there is hope in the air. Could we be edging back to the old world we once knew? Do we dare dream? Perhaps we are in need of more portents, indicating that good times are just o'er the hill, before we break out the champers and the biscuits?
Well, look no further and say no more! The Darkness - quite possibly the greatest rock n' roll band that the seaside community of Lowestoft has ever produced - have announced their new album, Motorheart, which will land with a biblical thud this October. It's too early to tell as yet what delights said record shall contain, but let me go out on a limb here and predict that it will rock like a drunk trying to navigate entrance through a small door.
There's an accompanying statement:
"Drop the needle anywhere on Motorheart and be instantly transported from this moaning and weeping vale of tears to Elysian fields of rock where all hands are raised, the drinks – just as in the Club Tropicana of yore – are free, and everyone wears a pleasingly salacious grin. Does it rock? Is the sun hot? Has your partner’s touch grown cold? The Darkness are the Orwellian boot stamping on the flaccid face of limp rock, forever!"
I have no idea who wrote such magnificent words, but I can only imagine they are beyond handsome, in possession of an excellent education which they wear lightly, and have been crowned 'Europe's Greatest Lover' on more than one occasion. If I possessed such acumen, such natural talent, then nothing could possibly stop my ascent, and all of Aosdána would tremble at the mere mention of my name! Sadly, I do not.
Justin Hawkins - the 'Kenneth Williams of Rock'© and a man who has never knowingly been backward about coming forward - had this to say about the UK tour that has also been announced.
“The time has come, the walrus said… to put your fookin pants on your head and rock like Satan is eating your private parts with a pointy fork! Yes, we, The Darkness, are the fuck back on tour, praise Satan’s better half… come and party with us like it’s the last orders at the last chance saloon. Which it may well be, but I wouldn’t like to comment any further on that. Get in kids, it’s the Darkness, wot you knows and luvs, plus British Lion – Steve Harris’ top rock band who are guaranteed to blow your socks straight up your welcoming arses. What a night! Delirium! Outfits, including hats! Denim that smells of hamsters! Who doesn’t want that? See you down the front, connoisseurs of the finest that life has to offer…”
No Irish dates have been alluded to as yet - how the Jaysus could they be seeing as how no one knows anything - but they shall surely follow, like a cigarette after a horizontal good time. In the meantime, feast your eyes on the exceptional bit of artwork above - yes, those are space cocks, as far as we can tell - and remember the fine sport I had on the road with The Mighty 'Ness the last time they were here.
Apropos of nothing at all, here's 'Solid Gold' because it is awesome.