Crash Bang Wallet!

“PEARL JAM and Smashing Pumpkins annoy me when they go on about how tough being in a band is. If Eddie Vedder and Billy Corgan are genuinely that pissed off, they should give their money away to charity and take a job working construction. They’re travelling round the world making millions of dollars and we’re supposed to feel sorry them. I’m still at the stage where I wake up mornings thinking, ‘fuck, I used to do this for beer money and now it’s paying my mortgage’. If you’re able to do what you want to do and make a living from it, you’re in an extremely privileged position.”

Relaxing in the palatial surrounds of Dublin’s Hotel Conrad, Crash Test Dummies bassist Dan Roberts looks like the cat who’s got the cream and then discovered he’s inherited the dairy from a long-lost relative. Not surprising, really, when you consider that the Canadians started the year as Diadora League no-hopers and now find themselves approaching Christmas as genuine Premiership contenders. With Winnipeg ranking just above Portumna and slightly below Gort on the list of international rock ‘n’ roll hotspots, how have Dan, his baritone big brother Brad and the rest of the Crashies – sorry! – achieved this Wimbledon-style upswing in fortunes?

“Actually,” he reveals, “our success has been a lot more gradual than it might appear on this of the Atlantic where ‘Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm’ – or that song as we now call it – was heading for the bargain-bins one moment and in the chart the next. Our first record, The Ghosts That Haunt Me, was released in 1991 and went triple-platinum in Canada but we didn’t make any impact in the States until the Adult Alternative Album radio format came along and suddenly, like a gift from the Gods, we had a home. The introduction of Triple ‘A’ has benefited not only us but other non-image groups such as Counting Crows and the Gin Blossoms who aren’t grunge or hardcore or whatever else is ‘in’ this week. We went through a big hair and floppy hat phase when we started but thankfully commonsense prevailed and we haven’t been guilty of any fashion crimes since.”

While the group’s current And God Shuffled His Feet album puts them into the same quirky pop bracket as Talking Heads and personal heroes XTC, there was a time when the Crash Test Dummies could be relied on to serve up a bizarre smorgasbord of TV themes, Alice Cooper covers and Irish rebel songs. The latter, no doubt, being an indication of their pro-Republican sympathies and intention to one day storm the parliament building in Ottawa and cast off the mantle of British oppression.

“Not really,” interjects drummer Mitch Dorge who having apologised profusely for the lateness of his arrival is now at pains to explain why he isn’t indeed a Kalashnikov-toting liberator of the masses. “We’re typical of most Canadians in that, to us, all the Queen is is a picture on our money. The Royal Family still sell picture-books because the Mums and Dads like Lady Di but otherwise it’s almost a non-issue. Quebec and whether or not it should be granted independence is something that arouses far more passion but, even then, it tends to fade into the background unless there are violent protests or bombs going off. Where Canada’s concerned, being lackadaisical is a national pastime.”

“You also have to allow for the perversity of my brother,” laughs the junior of the two Roberts siblings. “He discovered the Clancy Brothers entirely by accident and thought, ‘hey, this makes a change from ‘Louie Louie’!’ And from the point of view of being a bar band – which we were in those days – they’re great drinking songs.”

In sharp contrast to many of our colonial cousins, the Crash Test Dummies don’t feel that coming from the richest continent on the planet entitles them to pass judgement on complex political issues they know sod all about.

“Well, there are two examples of people wanting to engage their brains before opening their mouths,” proffers Roberts as I tell him about Megadeth’s ‘Up The ‘RA’ rant in Belfast and The Pixies stunning The Point into silence with their 'better get ourselves some guns' outburst.

“I don’t mean this to sound racist,” he continues, “but that sort of insensitivity is far more of an American trait than a Canadian one. Growing up, I realised that our influence on world affairs was negligible, whereas people south of the border have been given an inflated sense of self-importance from seeing their Presidents almost single-handedly dictating Western foreign policy. We were in Belfast last night but it could have been New York or London for all we got to see of it. What I will say is that I’ve never come across an audience quite so determined to enjoy themselves. I was talking to a local guy afterwards and he told me it’s been like that since the ceasefire. As reasons to party go, that’s a pretty good one.”

I haven’t felt suicidal enough to try it myself but it’s often said that the surest way of sampling Canada’s much-vaunted public hospital service is suggesting to larger members of the populace that their country is to all intents and purposes the 51st state of America.

“If you take a superficial view of Canadian culture – and this is especially true if you’re looking in from the outside – then, sure, we have become increasingly Americanised in recent years but there are still profound social and political differences separating us. I doubt if the Crash Test Dummies would sound much different if we’d been brought up in New York or Los Angeles but there’s no way the US could’ve produced artists like The Rankine Family or Loreena McKennit, whose music is steeped in centuries of tradition. We’ve got our own version of MTV – MuchMusic – which is highly supportive of the domestic scene and the broadcasting authorities deserve credit too for insisting that one-third of the records played by radio have to be either Canadian written or performed.”

Certainly, the Canadian experience was closely examined by the IRTC when introducing their own 30% Irish content requirement – the big difference being that on the other side of the Atlantic, a city the size of Dublin could expect to have upwards of a dozen radio stations and a diversity of formats that we can alas only dream of. 24 hour a day alternative rock? You got it!

Although it’ll be a while yet before the Crash Test Dummies start needing to get quotes for zimmer frame insurance, they are considerably older than most of their, how shall we put this, more nihilistic counterparts. Why is it that some bands thrive on success while others OD on it?

“Age does make a difference,” reasons Mitch Dorge. “I can deal with this better now than I would’ve been able to 10 years ago, although I reckon if you’re going to acquire a drink problem or a drug habit you’ll do so regardless of your circumstances. Even if he’d never been in a band, Kurt Cobain would still have killed himself because he had a self-destructive personality.

“The head of Geffen Records didn’t stick a needle in his arm. There weren’t any journalists in the room when he pulled the trigger. There were times when he could have said ‘no’ but he wasn’t strong enough. Besides his own death, what’s really tragic is all these copycat suicides. If I was the parent of one of those kids, I’d find it hard to think of Kurt Cobain as a hero.”

Cue hundreds of angry letters baying for Crash Test Dummy blood and suggesting that yours truly would be better employed redistributing organic waste in the ape enclosure at Dublin Zoo.

“I can understand people feeling passionate about Kurt Cobain,” resumes Dan Roberts. “His music had an intensity and a vulnerability that was easy to connect with on a personal level, particularly if you shared his torments. And I wouldn’t belittle the pressures he was under. Although the Crash Test Dummies are a band in the truest sense of the word, we decided early on that we needed a focal point and as Brad is the lead singer and the guy who tells funny stories on stage, he got the job.

“I can walk round and never get hassled whereas he’s always being followed and asked for autographs. That side of it he can handle okay – what’s more difficult is trying to deal with someone who feels they’ve spiritually bonded with you because of a lyric you’ve written or a comment you’ve made in an interview. That can get heavy.”

While even the most pretentious of critics would be hard pressed to discover hidden meanings in a Whigfield or Real 2 Real song, the wordplay Brad Roberts indulges in throughout And God Shuffled His Feet is so abstract that the Senators’ Wives could use it to blame Crash Test Dummies for everything from child molesting to the mysterious dip in the Dallas Cowboys’ mid-season form. Then there’s his voice – a subsonic bass growl which some hate and others want to settle down and have babies with.

“To the average radio listener or MTV viewer, Brad is the Crash Test Dummies,” admits Mitch Dorge, “but that’ll change as we broaden our approach and try different ideas that bring other members of the band into the spotlight. When Guns ‘N’ Roses broke, it was Axl Rose that got all the attention but then as they developed, people started realising that this Slash character could play guitar and wasn’t bad at writing tunes either.

“We’ve just recorded a cover of XTC’s ‘Peter Pumpkinhead’ for the Dumb And Dumber soundtrack which Eileen (Reid) sings on and it’s an exercise we’ll be repeating on our next album. We don’t consider it necessary to reinvent ourselves but we want the Crash Test Dummies to be known for more than the guy with the weird lyrics and the deep voice.”

Is this being done with Brad Roberts’ approval or is what we’re witnessing something of a palace coup?

“No,” insists Dan, “he reckons it’s time the rest of us had our private lives dragged through the tabloids, so he’s all for it. To tell you the truth, I’m kinda looking forward to making my debut in the National Examiner. When you start getting your picture in the same columns as Madonna and Michael Jackson, you know you’ve arrived”

“Just don’t expect us to get plastic surgery,” deadpans Mitch. “This is the band that’s proud to be ugly – and Canadian!”

There’s a smart one-liner in there somewhere but I wouldn’t dream of digging it out!