Tell Us, What makes a Slam?

Since only the terminally optimistic and the completely insane would hold out any hope that Ireland’s national football team will give us anything to celebrate in 2013, in all likelihood it will be left to our rugby crew to lift the spirits. It being an odd-numbered year, England and France have to come here, always a far more pleasing prospect than us having to visit London and Paris.

In other words, the championship is perfectly winnable and the Grand Slam, while certainly a massive ask, is hardly entirely out of the question. Ireland haven’t quite reaped as much reward over the last decade as we should have: one title (2009) doesn’t adequately reflect the enormous contribution this team has made to the Six Nations since the sun broke through the clouds round about 2000. Our win-loss record over the last dozen years is better than anyone’s bar France; and yet, Wales have won three Grand Slams in the last eight years while, almost unbelievably, we’ve managed it just once since 1948.
The time is ripe to put this to rights, and I’m going to go out on a limb and venture that this year we will win all five games and do so in style. (What?? – Sub Ed) Sure, there are question marks. The loss of any one of Paul O’Connell, Tommy Bowe and Stephen Ferris would be a significant blow: to lose all three seems ridiculously cruel. There are also, for the first time since he took charge, rumblings of discontent about Declan Kidney’s stewardship.
I didn’t see last summer’s 60-0 shellacking in New Zealand (I was in Poland at the time immersed in the Euro bloodbath) and haven’t felt inclined to watch a re-run, but a candid recent interview from Brian O’Driscoll suggested that there may have been too many mixed messages emanating from Ireland’s mini-army of coaches (attack coach Les Kiss, forwards coach Gert Smal, and Kidney himself), leaving the players not all on the same page with regard to tactical instruction.
Certainly a scoreline of 60-0 doesn’t leave too much room for positive spin, and suggests that perhaps we were lacking in one or two key areas on the day. It may, however, have been the case that the players were still completely shattered from the previous week’s exertions in pushing the world champion All Blacks all the way on their own turf (we lost 22-19, a hugely commendable outcome) and from the marathon exertions involved in Leinster’s third Heineken Cup triumph in the space of four years.
It is self-evident that Ireland have heaps of talent at their disposal, more than enough to cause all our rivals significant sleep loss. Leinster’s recent European exit doesn’t mean the golden age is drawing to a close. On the contrary, a new one may be about to dawn. If we rewind the clock five years, the general consensus after a shockingly bad World Cup (late 2007) and an equally miserable Six Nations (spring 2008) was that we had returned to the Dark Ages. Twelve months later, Brian O’Driscoll and pals were dancing gleefully around the Millenium Stadium as Grand Slam winners.
There are at least as many reasons to be optimistic now as there were then. In particular, the array of riches available among the backs is probably more impressive now than ever before, even with Bowe absent. O’Driscoll and Rob Kearney are back in harness; Luke Fitzgerald provides nifty footwork and Andrew Trimble raw power; Keith Earls and Fergus McFadden are extremely useful options – and in Simon Zebo and Craig Gilroy, we have two electrifying talents who should be given licence to attack. Zebo probably needs to learn that aiming over-ambitiously for tries from inside one’s own 22 is not always the wisest policy, but as soon as he gets the hang of when to kick and when to go for it, we may well be in possession of the best 11-14-15 axis in Europe: youthful, fearless and born to run. Up front, there isn’t a whole lot wrong either, with Rory Best surely the finest hooker in Europe by now, and the back-row (even shorn of Ferris) comparable to anybody’s.
We start in Cardiff on Saturday; and we have unfinished business with the Welsh, who have somehow beaten us three times in a row. The Cardiff loss of two years ago was largely attributable to an atrocious refereeing decision, while last year’s loss in Dublin (having led handsomely with less than 10 minutes left) was a straightforward case of nerve failure.
The stakes are huge: but Wales have embarked on an appalling run since last season’s Slam triumph and should be there for the taking.
Indeed, all our opponents are absolutely beatable: England’s November smiting of the All Blacks offers some cause for reflection, but the Kiwi line-up that day had been decimated by a vomiting/diarrhoea bug, and England haven’t won a Six Nations game in Dublin since 2003, when they were a mighty force indeed. The temperamental French are obviously capable of turning it on, but you wouldn’t exactly trust them either; the hopeless Italians appear to be getting worse every year; and while any win in Edinburgh will be hard-earned, the scene is perfectly set for Ireland to seize the day.
Strap yourselves in for the ride, throw a few squid on us to win the Slam at 9/1, sit back and enjoy. These are mighty players, and this is where they’ll prove it. Bring it on.