Foul Play: Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now

By the time you read this, the roof may have fallen in completely, with a merciless, monstrous savaging of harrowing proportions at the hands of the world champions. Or (is that a flying pig I see overhead?) we may have actually gone to Germany and given them a fright, or heaven forbid, actually emerged from the assignment with our unbeaten record intact.

The 7-0 jog-trot against a stupendously bad Gibraltar was an occasion of light comic relief, a slightly embarrassing spectacle from which it is impossible to draw any firm conclusions. We learned, as if we hadn’t already, that Robbie Keane’s predatory poacher’s instincts when faced with poor opposition are unparalleled; that our defence remains prone to occasional lapses of concentration; that Wes Hoolahan can dismantle teams who grant him enough time and space to conduct the orchestra; and that Gibraltar will have their work cut out to win Euro 2016.
Beyond that, the week was predictably dominated by the endless soap-opera surrounding Roy Keane’s latest set of memoirs. It has been widely observed that the controversial Corkman seems to cut a more mellow, relaxed figure these days; I wouldn’t believe it for a minute. From his demeanour last week, it’s fair to say Roy seems as obsessed with settling scores as ever. And while the players are surely professionally responsible enough to keep their minds on the work, the distraction can’t possibly be helpful either.
While UEFA’s decision to expand the Euro finals from 16 to 24 teams was a monumentally bad decision, which will dilute the quality of the tournament and encourage all sorts of dire safety-first football in the first group stage, we ought to salute their decision to spread the qualifying games out over a week at a rate of three games per day, rather than cramming the entire programme into Wednesdays and Saturdays. It affords us a chance to actually keep a much closer eye on the overall landscape, and in time will raise the profile of the international game, which has taken quite a hit over the last two decades as the suspicion has hardened that most top players on staggeringly huge contracts are considerably more invested in their club’s fortunes.
The wee North are flying, too. A 2-0 win over the Faroe Islands may not sound like cause to crack the champagne, but it’s the sort of fixture they’ve invariably made a balls of in recent years, their history over the last three decades being littered with encouraging one-off results against genuinely good teams which are swiftly followed by crushing let-downs against your Liechtensteins and Luxembourgs.
The group that they’re in doesn’t really contain any of the pedigree heavyweight nations, they have six points from six at the time of writing, and though events in Athens may have shattered the rosy picture by the time you read this, there seems at least a plausible puncher’s chance of NI making the 24-team cut, ideally in partnership with our good selves. An All-Ireland Euro 2016 Final has quite a nice ring to it.
But of course one night is a long time in football, and both Irish teams may well be licking their wounds by the time you read this. I’m guessing NI will either have drawn in Athens or gone down to a narrow defeat; and in the interests of posterity, I will state on the record that I genuinely think we will walk away from Gelsenkirchen with our unbeaten record intact. (You think I’m joking, don’t you?)
It has been five years since Ireland delivered a display of any note against a good international team – that fateful evening in Paris – and it’s about time we delivered a statement performance. The ingredients are there; morale has been restored to a healthy state; and even a midfield quartet of Toni Kroos, Thomas Muller, Andre Schurrle and Mario Gotze surely can’t realistically hope to live with a fully fired-up Wes Hoolahan, Darron Gibson, Aiden McGeady and James McClean. We’re going all the way to the top this time; but this time, we’ll stop on top. Inshallah, comrades.