XXX

Xander Cage (Diesel), clearly named in honour of black comic book hero Luke, is a top danger sports enthusiast recruited by NSA agent Gibbons (Jackson) to thwart a nefarious plan in the Czech Republic in a movie so pacy and rapid-fire that even those with goldfish-style attention spans will be transfixed for its duration.

As a new Bond for the MTV generation, XXX outdoes his British counterpart at every turn – his extreme sports stunt sequences, his supercool boy toys and his unceasing willingness to fuck everything in a thong will make this the most popular flick among teenage boys since The Matrix, as well as keeping the producers of Bond 21, Die Another Day, awake at night.

Of course, there’s plenty by way of casual racial stereotyping – no-one in Prague, where the movie is set looks to be even remotely acquainted with the joys of personal hygiene, and who needs easy Bond bimbos when every female character including the romantic lead is a hooker? Well, it sure saves on wining and dining expenses.

Still, XXX manages to get away with it, mainly because the entire enterprise is so over the top. And of course when your leading man sounds like a bassier version of Harvey Fierstein and looks like his buff torso more properly belongs in one of Tom of Finland’s homoerotic cartoons, it’s hard to take the movie’s macho posturing all that seriously. Besides, XXX is just too damn buzzy for anyone to care about its flaws, and given that it looks set to be the biggest film of the year, it should come as no surprise to anyone that the sequel is already in the post. Be prepared. Or possibly afraid.