The Scorpion King

A pre-quel to the phenomenally (and inexplicably) successful neo-matinee flicks The Mummy and The Mummy Returns, The Scorpion King is destined to be of particular interest to fans of those purveyors of culture and sportsmanship the WWF. (Fifty million hillbillies can’t be wrong). The reason? This is the first major vehicle and speaking part for one Dwayne Johnson, better known as The Rock (Please note – pronounced Rawwk).

This swords, sandals and scorcery (wannabe) epic sees lowly peasant Mathayas (The Rock) becoming hellbent on revenge after his ancient Egyptian village falls victim to evil marauding raiders led by super-villian Steven Brand. After Mathayas hits the road hot on the trail of his nemesis, he befriends a Ronin-style wandering warrior (Clarke Duncan) who will aid him on his quest and journey to becoming Egypt’s first Pharaoh.

It’s all relentlessly silly stuff which absolutely takes the piss out of the sacred trust between audience and movie known as ‘suspension of disbelief’ – think Conan The Barbarian as opposed to Gladiator and you’ll have some idea of what’s on offer.

Meanwhile, for a pro-wrestler, the main attraction comes up surprisingly short in the acting stakes. In his favour, however, it should be noted that Lawrence Olivier would have found it tough to do something with the role in question – it’s hardly the lad’s fault that this formula has run its course and now feels decidedly dated.

To make matters even worse, the entire affair is heavily polluted with nu-metal shit. Even the duet between Rob Zombie And Ozzy can’t provide adequate compensation for the rest of the soundtrack.