In case you missed it, the Oscars are this weekend, and ladies and gentlemen, I have things to say.

You'll learn as you read on that Little Women was my favourite film of the year by a landslide. And that – newsflash – wider representation for marginalised communities in the major categories is the only way forward, if the Academy wishes to remain sat on their throne and continue to be the foremost authority in the film industry.

The awards show experienced a 12% spike in viewership last year, which was largely attributed to the decision made that there would be no formal host. My personal feeling is that there was also a spike in diversity in the 2019 nominees, directly following the four previous years of the #OscarsSoWhite campaign. Sadly, the Academy seems to have dropped the proverbial ball once again for 2020.

The top three things I'm looking forward to seeing in this year's ceremony:

1. Greta Gerwig sassily (but graciously, because she's classy) accepting the award for Best Adapted Screenplay.
2. That surprise Billie Eilish performance??
3. Bong Joon-ho (hopefully) schooling everyone on their irrational fear of subtitles, again.

But now, let's get down to business:

Best Picture

1917, Benedict Cumberbatch as Colonel Mackenzie

The Nominees

• Ford v. Ferrari
• The Irishman
• Jojo Rabbit
• Joker
• Little Women
• Marriage Story
• 1917
• Once Upon A Time...In Hollywood
• Parasite

Predicted winner: "1917"

In a perfect world: "Parasite"

The Producer's Guild Award is a pretty airtight prediction metre for this category. Although the intense war film got off to a slow start with its awards campaign, 1917 snagged the PGA for Outstanding Motion Picture, which is why it's going in my prediction slot for this year. But Bong Joon-ho's Parasite was so original, wacky and unexpected that it's my favourite for this category.

Best Actor

Joaquin Phoenix 'The Joker'

The Nominees

• Antonio Banderas (Pain & Glory)
• Leonardo DiCaprio (Once Upon A Time...In Hollywood)
• Adam Driver (Marriage Story)
• Joaquin Phoenix (Joker)
• Jonathan Pryce (The Two Popes)

Predicted winner: Joaquin Phoenix

In a perfect world: Adam Driver

Look, Joaquin Phoenix is brilliant. I just wouldn't have given him an Oscar for this particular film (hello, The Master). That said, he has snagged almost every major award for his portrayal of Arthur Fleck in Joker, and the Oscar will be no different. But you try not to cry when Adam Driver starts singing "Being Alive" in Marriage Story, Noah Baumbach's dramedy about a marriage falling to pieces.

Best Actress

Renée Zellweger as Judy Garland in 'Judy'

The Nominees: 

• Cynthia Erivo (Harriet)
• Scarlett Johansson (Marriage Story)
• Saoirse Ronan (Little Women)
• Charlize Theron (Bombshell)
• Renée Zellweger (Judy)

Predicted winner: Renée Zellweger

In a perfect world: Saoirse Ronan

And not just because I'm reporting from her home country, either. This is no snub to Zellweger, who played the Wizard of Oz icon with tenderness and an uncanny physicality. In fact, I'll be thrilled to watch Zellweger take that statue. But Little Women's Ronan also brought something new and original to a canonical character; Judy Garland was real, but Jo March feels real, and a lot of this tangibility will, for future generations of film watchers and book readers, be down to Ronan's flawless performance.

Best Director

Sam Mendes

The Nominees: 

• Bong Joon-ho (Parasite)
• Sam Mendes (1917)
• Todd Philips (Joker)
• Martin Scorsese (The Irishman)
• Quentin Tarantino (Once Upon A Time...In Hollywood)

Predicted winner: Sam Mendes

In a perfect world: Bong Joon-ho

Actually, if the world were truly perfect, Greta Gerwig would take home this particular trophy. Alas, the old white man prevails. Long-take cinematography has seen both Alejandro Iñárritu (Birdman, The Revenant) and Alfonso Cuarón (Gravity) take home trophies in this category before. I may be very cynical, and I hope I'm wrong, but it has also happened before that foreign language films nominated in major categories tend to pick up most of their statues in the foreign language categories. That way, the Academy can have their white men win at the top of the tier, and they can still pretend they care about people of colour. If Parasite wins, it will be for Best Foreign Language Film.

Best Supporting Actor

Brad Pitt

The Nominees: 

• Tom Hanks (A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood)
• Anthony Hopkins (The Two Popes)
• Al Pacino (The Irishman)
• Joe Pesci (The Irishman)
• Brad Pitt (Once Upon A Time...In Hollywood)

Predicted winner: Brad Pitt

In a perfect world: Anthony Hopkins

God bless Brad Pitt and his perfect torso. Really and truly. The man is having a fantastic awards season run, and his turn in Tarantino's (probably) final film is, albeit predictable, hysterical, nuanced and sexy as hell. That said, Anthony Hopkins' turn as the conservative and hopelessly doubtful Pope Benedict was enough to jar even a non-religious person such as myself into questioning her own belief systems.

Best Supporting Actress

Laura Dern, Marriage Story

The Nominees: 

• Kathy Bates (Richard Jewell)
• Laura Dern (Marriage Story)
• Scarlett Johansson (Jojo Rabbit)
• Florence Pugh (Little Women)
• Margot Robbie (Bombshell)

Predicted winner: Laura Dern

In a perfect world: Florence Pugh

This feels like Laura Dern's time. Again, it's not going to be a hardship to watch her swan off stage triumphantly clutching her Oscar for Marriage Story's delightfully pushy divorce attorney. But where the hell did Florence Pugh come from?! I used to hate Amy March like I was – spoiler alert – personally carrying Jo's vendetta for the burned manuscript way beyond the story's point of forgiveness. She now feels just as much a beloved member of the March family to me as any of the other characters, thanks to Florence Pugh.

Original Screenplay

Quentin Tarantino

The Nominees: 

• Knives Out
• Marriage Story
• 1917
• Once Upon A Time...In Hollywood
• Parasite

Predicted winner: Once Upon A Time...In Hollywood

In a perfect world: Parasite

There's no way Tarantino doesn't walk away with this one. In Bong Joon-ho's words, however, "once you overcome the one-inch tall barrier of subtitles, you will be introduced to so many more amazing films." True.

Adapted Screenplay

From left: Emma Watson, Greta Gerwig, Saoirse Ronan, Florence Pugh

The Nominees: 

• The Irishman
• Jojo Rabbit
• Joker
• Little Women
• The Two Popes

Predicted winner: Little Women

In a perfect world: Little Women

Put it this way: if Greta doesn't get paid her rightful dues – in the form of the coveted little gold man – for this masterpiece of a film, I'll lead the riots. Taika Waititi's Jojo Rabbit may be the favourite for most critics, but Gerwig has proven time and again, (namely with Frances Ha and Ladybird), that she is a quietly brilliant filmmaker. She almost never relies on bells and whistles, her storytelling is simple but piercing. Her screenplay for Little Women made a brilliant adaptation of Lousia May Alcott's classic novel while humanising and endearing me to some of its pricklier characters. Combined with her abhorrent lack of a nomination in the directors category, I think she may just sweep up the screenplay award this season.

The Oscars will be held in Hollywood on February 9th.