Legally Blonde 2; Red, White & Blonde

Despite her remarkable resemblance to Jimmy Hill in a Barbie wig, Reese Witherspoon is in pole position to assume Meg Ryan’s now-tarnished tiara and become queen of the rom-com. After all, when you’re out to woo the Bridget Jones brigade, it never does to be too threateningly attractive, or God forbid, sexy. Hence the enduring popularity of the trout-gobbed Julia Roberts.

The tragedy for Witherspoon, then, is not that she’s all chin from the ankles up, rather it’s the trajectory of her career. Having shown flashes of potential early on (Pleasantville), she’s fallen by the wayside as surely as a three legged tortoise, and now stars exclusively in the more profitable kinds of girl-meets-(usually rich)boy crud. At best, it’s workaday crud like Sweet Home Alabama. At worst it’s Legally Blonde 2.

The original was a one joke affair, but it just about managed to get away with it, thanks to a good deal of daft, unpretentious charm. Second time around, the proceedings are downright laborious as our ditzy, bird-brained heroine takes on Capitol Hill, in an attempt to have animal testing banned. After all, she may be the kind of chick that wishes they taught trophy-wifery at a graduate level, but when one considers what’s floated to the surface of the American political pool, you’d have to fancy her chances.

As far as sequels are concerned, everyone expects the laws of diminishing returns to be in operation, but even at that Legally Blonde 2 is taking the absolute piss, failing to provide so much as a smile-out-loud moment. As one might expect the proceedings are gushing and all-pink - a bit like gonorrhoea, but considerably less fun. So if you didn’t like the first one, best stay away, and if you did, well, best stay away.