Interview: Simon Amstel Looks Back On His Career

I’m slightly nervous waiting to interview Simon Amstell. The writer and director is promoting a new feature, Benjamin. But let’s face it, he’s most famous for turning interviews into vicious performance art.

During his anarchic reign on Channel 4’s early-noughties Popworld and his irony-laden takeover of Nevermind the Buzzcocks Amstell revelled in upending the pandering interviewer format. He mocked guests and laughed in the face of taboo questions. Amstell made The Ordinary Boys’ singer Preston storm off Buzzcocks after mocking Preston’s wife Chantelle and reportedly reduced Britney Spears to tears during an interview on Popworld. But he also created hilarious televisual magic with guests like Amy Winehouse, Noel Fielding and Jedward.

Having played the role of interviewer/interrogator for years, can he bear to be interviewed without analysing the process to death? “It took me a long time to feel comfortable with it. For this one, I will try be in the moment!”

He says it so warmly. Yet within a minute, he’s over-analysing his own answer so much he can’t finish a sentence. “Oh no. I thought I’d be in the moment.”

This combination of warmth, wit and neuroses is what makes Benjamin a triumph. Loosely based on Amstell’s life in his 20s, the film sees filmmaker Benjamin (Colin Morgan) struggle with a streak of perfectionism, fear of intimacy and a deep need to be loved. It all came from Amstell’s own desire to stretch himself artistically and emotionally.

“I was on a train having just left the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, thinking I couldn’t do any more stand-up for a while – which is how I always feel after a tour or festival. I opened my laptop and just started to write down arguments from every relationship I had ever been in,” says Amstell, now 39. “Really the story is about someone terrified of intimacy seeking the love of an audience because real love is terrifying. Because if he was just in love and being loved, he wouldn’t be in control.”

It’s hard not to see Amstell’s own personal journey in the film, particularly as I was present for the 2013 recording of his stand-up special Do Nothing in Vicar Street. He opened the show by announcing “I’m quite lonely, let’s start with that.” Does he ever worry he may have given too much away?

“The fear is that I won’t be honest and that I’ll leave something out as a way to make myself feel safer. And then my work and spiritual journey will be worse,” he muses. “I have to be quite honest or else I don’t get to figure anything out,” he says. “Anything personal I write, it ends up being quite healing; you end up being a different person than the one who started writing it. So I’m not really worried about being too honest or making people uncomfortable - I don’t really see the point of saying something out loud unless it’s a bit uncomfortable. Most of what I’m doing is tackling shame. I reveal something about myself that I’m ashamed of or embarrassed about, and speaking the horrific truth of it in public gets a response, and that makes me feel less alone. I realise that I’m just like every other stupid human being.”

Analysing your current self and consciously growing through self-examination is one thing – looking back on your younger self when there’s nothing you can do to change the awkwardness, the lost opportunities, the relationship break-downs, is different. Amstell found the process quite therapeutic.

“Benjamin, if he is me, he’s me about 10 years ago. I’m not that anxious, lonely, depressed character – anymore!” he quips. “I couldn’t have written the film if I was still in his situation. Having written the film, I feel like I understand and now feel compassionate and quite loving towards my younger self. I don’t feel like I’m exploiting him for comedy, I feel like I’ve spent some quality time with him.”

Benjamin is single-minded in his desire to be a filmmaker. Amstell has proven that his artistic endeavours are more varied. He has presented television, written and starred in the comedy show Grandma’s House, made the mockumentary Carnage and, of course, has continued his stand-up. Where does he see his career going next?

“If I can tour a stand-up show every few years and direct something every few years, I’d be quite happy,” he says. “I feel like I’ve found my place as someone who writes things and directs things. Directing has so many components to it that I don’t know what further ambition I could have. In the past, I got bored of things too quickly because I figured out how to do them. I don’t think I’ll ever fully feel like I’ve figured out how to do a stand-up comedy show or how to direct a film. So I should be able to do them for a while.”

A big theme in Benjamin is the character’s need for external validation. He is obsessed, especially, with film reviews – the film even features a lovely cameo from some famous film critics. Amstell is happily less anxious about critical reaction than his lead character.

“All Benjamin has is the image of himself as a great filmmaker. When the bad reviews roll in, it’s like a kind of death,” he says. “But I feel now, I’m more grounded in the work more than the results of the work. That wasn’t always the case, but I think I’ve learned to be into the joy of doing something rather than the external validation. It’s not life or death anymore.”

That seems like a very healthy place to be in with his art – how did he get there?

“About two years of psychotherapy!” Amstell laughs. “And writing this character – if you write all the most troubling aspects of yourself into a film, you externalise them, they’re out of you, in a way. And I think generally, I’m after connection now, not praise.”

He pauses.

“Though I do still like praise. Give me praise.”