- Culture
- 01 Feb 17
In a wide-ranging and powerful exclusive interview in Hot Press (out tomorrow Thursday 2, February), one of Ireland’s most celebrated authors, John Boyne opens up about his battle with depression and how he grappled in the past with suicidal thoughts. And he speaks on-the-record, for the first time, about the breakdown of his civil partnership after 11 years together.
The 45-year-old Dubliner – who has sold over a staggering 7 million copies of his much beloved book, The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas – has been known in the past to be extremely guarded about private life. John Boyne explains in his Hot Press interview that, until now, he safeguarded his privacy so much that he had consciously kept away from writing about his personal experiences in his own fiction.
But on the eve of the publication of his most personal novel yet, entitled The Heart’s Invisible Furies – about an adopted gay man who questions his own sexuality – John Boyne feels that he’s finally in a position to talk honestly and openly about his own extraordinary life and his phenomenal writing career.
John Boyne also tells Hot Press’ senior editor Jason O’Toole about the beatings he suffered at the hands of a priest at school and reveals that his biggest regret in life is not being a parent.
In the interview, he talks openly about mental health issues, in a way that rejects completely any sense of stigma or shame.
John Boyne explains with a straightforwardness which is hugely impressive that he takes anti-depressants as part of his routine. “I have to take an anti-depressant every morning, which is fine. It keeps me balanced. So, when I went back on them a few years ago I realised, ‘Actually I need to be on these for life’. It’s one tablet every morning. It’s no big deal. But I don’t need to use them thinking, ‘Eventually I’ll be able to get off them.' Instead, I’ll use them thinking, ‘No, I’ll stay on them. It keeps me balanced’. I’d be nervous of not being on them, to be honest.”
John says it was a mistake, when he tried in the past to wean himself off anti-depressants. “I was wrong in a way too because what I thought was – when I started taking anti- depressants first, in some way it felt like it was a failure of character, and I wanted to get to a place where I wasn’t on them anymore. And then, of course, your mood goes up and down, and up and down. What I eventually recognised is that a lot of this is just a chemical thing.”
Advertisement
On the break-up of his civil partnership, John says: “I’m still trying to figure it out: why it went wrong or what happened? We had a very happy relationship. There was no other person involved or anything like that. He felt he needed some space and some distance to figure out some things in his life.”
On why he was reluctant to open about his sexuality in past interviews, he explains: “I think when it would come up, I’d feel: if I was talking about a book, if it had nothing to do with the book, I couldn’t quite see the point of discussing it. I’m not really personally that interested in the lives of writers. I’m only interested in their books. I don’t care what they do outside of that. This phrase ‘openly gay’ is one that always irritates the hell out of me.”
On losing his virginity John Boyne recalls: “I should’ve pointed out that when I lost my virginity it was to a woman. So, there you go! A lot of gay people have probably been with girls when they were younger. It’s a normal thing to do because you’re still trying to figure everything out. You’re still trying to understand your sexuality. So, I tried it out with a couple of girls at that age. It wasn’t really for me, but it was fine for the two-and-a-half minutes it lasted (laughs)!”
On why he is now at a stage in his writing career where he finally feels comfortable writing about more personal issues, he says: “If you were to follow through from my first book to this book, I almost kept myself at such a distance from stories and just wanted to be missing on the radar, not bring myself in at all. I think it’s only now – I’m older, I’m more experienced as a writer, I’m more confident as a person – that I feel I can write things like this. Some people do that when they’re younger, some people never do it. But certainly in the last five or six years I’ve wanted to bring myself into the stories much more. I’ve wanted to write about my own experiences.”
On his regrets about not being a father, John Boyne reflects: “I think for a lot of gay people it’s a sadness that’s there inside – that you’re deprived of something that’s really an inherent part of human nature. It’s not something that weighs me down, but it’s probably the biggest regret in my life.”
In what is a wonderfully forthright, warm and wide-ranging interview, John Boyne also discusses gay sex in Ireland as he was growing up; how he was deeply hurt by comments made by anti-same sex marriage campaigners; his desire to remain friends with his ex; the stigma associated with depression; why he’s pro-choice; his friendship with the best-selling author John Irving, to whom he has dedicated his new novel; and why he doesn’t feel under any pressure to repeat the phenomenal success of The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas.
You can buy Hot Press 41-02, our Six Nations Special direct from hotpress.com
Or download from the iOS app for iPad/iPhone
Or download from the Android App