Prologue:
Two households, both lacking in dignity,
Have garden gnomes, who serve to set our scene.
From ancient Michael Caine to new beauty Emily Blunt,
A celebrity cast makes Shakespeare’s tale unclean.
From forth Shrek 2 director Kelly Asbury’s loins,
The legendary star-cross’d lovers take on new life;
But heart and emotion are piteously overthrown,
By predictable visuals and Elton John’s melodies, which are rife.
This painterly adaptation won’t inspire repeated viewing-mark’d love,
And will invoke many an English prof’s rage,
With its sense of cheap pop culturalisation hard to remove,
But for an hour and a half’s traffic of our stage,
It’s a pleasant enough distraction to attend,
And what feeling’s amiss, constant gags strive hard to mend.

Epilogue:
A passable afternoon’s entertainment this film brings,
Though somewhere Shakespeare is banging his head.
Go hence, to see for yourself these silly things.
Some (Dolly Parton’s cameo) will be pardoned, and some (eh,
Shakespeare’s cameo) punished,
For never was there an animated tale more so-so
Than this of Juliet and her Gnomeo.