Crush

Originally filmed under the far more inspirational title The Sad Fuckers Club – then renamed Crush by craven corporate cowards – this execrable middle-aged chick-flick might qualify as the most insufferable slice of sisterhood self-absorption since Me Myself I.

It stars the profoundly unappealing triumvirate of Andie MacDowell, Imelda Staunton and Anna Chancellor as three best friends whose dull Cotswold existences are mitigated by a weekly get-together wherein they can whine to their hearts’ content: Kate (MacDowell) is a prissy headmistress, Janine (Staunton) a mousey detective and Molly (Chancellor) an obnoxious ageing gold-digger with delusions of attractiveness. An obliging unfortunate named Kenny Doughty completes the mix by playing Jed, the 25-year-old ‘organist’ (tee hee hee!!) who fucks and then starts a relationship with MacDowell.

Crush is as unnerving and downright creepy as it doubtless sounds, although the copious helpings of sisterhood bonding should lend it some appeal among the species of individual who rents out Moonlight & Valentino with a large vat of ice-cream and a fluffy bath-toy. MacDowell is no more or less boring than she’s ever been, but it’s Doughty’s sub-woodworm performance that’s destined to stay longest in the memory.

Scary stuff, especially when Chancellor’s character attempts to do ‘hot and bothered’. You will run to the hills.