A model of decorum

I never dreamed that I’d meet somebody like you
And I never dreamed that I’d lose somebody like you
No, I (hold the note) don’t want to fall in love
[This love is only gonna break your heart]
No, I (hold the note) don’t want to fall in love
[This love is only gonna break your heart]
With you
With you
Can you picture her? Frolicking around on the beach to Chris Isaak’s ‘Wicked Games’. Oh come on boys and girls (but mostly boys), it was an iconic moment in time – Helena Christensen was discovered.
She’s the international supermodel with those ridiculously sparkly green eyes and a penchant for walking around in Victoria’s Secret underwear, or so many men would like to believe anyway. She is, by all accounts, stunningly beautiful. And this reporter (of the female variety) has a meet ’n’ greet op that’s probably a bit wasted on me.
Time to do some research.
Her official website (www.helenachristensen.dk, for those with time on their hands) opens with the following quotation: “In modelling, there is no point in trying to prove you have a brain, so why even bother? I’d sooner save the energy for something more meaningful." Which leads me to hope that she might be a bit thick.
Surely she has to be. No benevolent, omnipotent God would place a woman on earth and give her brains to compliment her beauty while the rest of us have to make do with either one or the other.
Alas, no, as it turns out she’s quite the clever cover-girl. Fluent in six languages and with a degree in Maths, Physics and Sociology, she not only proves me very wrong but also blows my poxy Arts degree and conversational French right out of the water.
That’s it - as of today, I am an atheist.
Okay, fine, so she’s blessed in the looks and intelligence departments. Big whoop. She’s still a model and that means she must suffer from at least one of the following:
a) Anorexia.
b) Drug addiction.
c) Stroppiness and a general personality defect a lá Naomi Campbell.
Further investigation reveals a sorry picture. Sorry for me, that is.
Apparently she’s one of those girls who doesn’t “need to diet”; who stays in shape with boxing and thus allows herself to wolf down two main courses at your average seating (one previous interviewer was extremely impressed; I am appalled – the cheek!).
She has a realistic attitude to drugs, claiming that her strict upbringing meant she was never attracted to the hard stuff, but she also admits she’s no saint and “wouldn’t say no if somebody passed me a joint”.
And to top it all off, the general consensus seems to be that she is the epitome of down-to-earthness as well as being decency personified. A mother of two, she doesn’t do the usual extravagant shopping sprees and gave up modeling full-time because of the hectic lifestyle it entails. Plus she’s talented, opting to work on the other side of the lens these days and photographing the likes of Bono, Robbie Williams and Orlando Bloom.
And then of course there’s her work with Fashion Targets Breast Cancer and the Irish Cancer Society, the whole reason my new-found obsession has been ignited.
She was in Brown Thomas on Grafton St, Dublin, fulfilling her duties as the spokeswoman for the FTBC campaign in Ireland. The basic idea was that if you bought a t-shirt, you could get it signed by Helena and thus perhaps strike-up a conversation with the leading lady. All proceeds from the t-shirts will go to fighting breast cancer and supporting its sufferers, with 95% going to Action Breast Cancer (a project of the Irish Cancer Society) and 5% to Europa Donna Ireland – a patient advocacy group that campaigns for better breast cancer services nationwide.
It’s not exactly a role that shows off her above attributes: to all intents and purposes she’s back to being a model – advertising a product and enticing people to pay money for it. But she’s happy to do what some would argue she does best, and adds, “If me just being here helps sell these t-shirts then it’s worth it.”
All the same, there’s still the small task of asking the girl some probing questions in the space of all of two minutes. There must be some dirt to dish. And then a stroke of genius hits me: musicians! Models love musicians. Jesus, just look at Kate Moss.
Turns out Helena conducted a four-year dangerous liaison of sorts with Michael Hutchence and has been linked with the likes of Billy Corgan and Liam Gallagher. And her numerous visits to Ireland are hosted by none other than Bono. Bingo!
And so, here it is, my ‘conversation’ with what my brother describes as “an all-time classic babe”. It’s a bit heavy-on-the-Bono, but bear with me:
How did you get involved with the Irish Cancer Society?
I was approached by Fashion Targets Breast Cancer to be the spokeswoman for their t-shirt and basically come along to help them sell the t-shirts and raise awareness. I can help with something as important as this with such little effort really. It’s a good personal thing to be around so many inspiring people that put in so much effort and give so much of their time for this important issue.
You come to Ireland quite often, don’t you?
I was here a month ago, in Galway actually. I was up there many years ago with Perry Ogden, the amazing photographer. He was photographing me when I was there with him and this time I got to photograph the nature.
Is it the lure of Bono’s hospitality that brings you back to us?
His hospitality is endless, absolutely, and so is it for all my other friends, I know about 20 or 30 Irish people by now and they’re all absolutley fantastic and very inspirational. They have a strength, an unbelievable strength inside of them and they share a lot, they’re very good people. I’ve learned a lot from them.
Who’s more photogenic: Bono Or Orlando Bloom?
You know they both have very strong features, and they have soul in their eyes. I’m happy to take portraits of anyone to be honest. I’m interested in the human face, you know, how different we are even though we have the same eyes and nose and mouth. I’ve been fascinated by Bono’s eyes since I was very young, they’re so penetrating and there’s a lot of wisdom in there.
We don’t get to see them that much.
I do! I can persuade him to take off his glasses. But with the amount of people that he meets I think it’s a good thing that he also has his own little space.
So there you have it: Helena Christensen can prise the sunglasses from Bono’s face. Supermodel, indeed.