12 Step Planet: Guatemala

Why should I go?
Believe the hype – this is one of the most beautiful countries on the planet. From natural phenomena like volcano-created lakes to ancient ruins to a fun-loving friendly population and sunny weather all year round, Guatemala is greater then the sum of its varied parts.
Why should I not go?
If your idea of a holiday is a sandy beach, with a surfer-lined view, then the beaches along Guatemala’s relatively short coastline will disappoint. The “Eternal Spring” provides hot weather, roughly 24-25c for most of the year, but is not necessarily ideal for those looking to top up their tan. Kidnapping of tourists is rare, but this is a country that has its fair share of problems. So be on your guard. If you stick to the tourist route and avoid long journeys on the local chicken buses you should be fine. However, the more adventurous traveller should do their research in advance.
What’s my challenge?
Deciding which part of the country you leave out. To really get the most out of your trip, put on your travel boots – you’re going to need them. One can decide to spend a long weekend in the old capital Antigua or pass your hours relaxing around Lake Atitlan.
How do I get there?
American Airlines flies to Guatemala City from Miami – from Dublin you can fly to Miami via Chicago or London Heathrow. This can be done in one day but doing all three legs in twenty-four hours is pushing it. From Madrid with Iberia you can fly into Guatemala City direct.
When should I go?
Avoid the rainy season, which runs from May through October, but has been known to sneak into November. Christmas through to Easter is when the majority of tourists arrive.
What’s the touristy thing you have to do?
Explore the ancient Mayan ruins at Tikal. Situated in the north of the country, this involves a 45-minute flight from Guatemala City to the northern town of Flores. Then brace yourself for a two hour car journey on roads with so many potholes that even the most hardened Dublin City Council repairman would think twice about tackling them. Best go on a tour with a recommended guide who will talk endlessly about Mayan culture, the ongoing renovation work in the area and how, most importantly, scenes from the original Star Wars movie were filmed on top of Temple Five. You gotta love culture.
Anything else?
Lake Atitlan is regularly described as one of the most beautiful places in the world and as soon as you see this massive volcano surrounded mass of water you aren’t going to argue. The bus boats that cross daily could put the willies up a pirate but they are the only way of reaching the many towns and villages that line the shore. From the party town of Panachejel to the fisherman pant-clad language students in San Pedro to the dog-on-a-string hippies of San Marcos (a must for those who wish to get their chakras realigned) these places offer a good look into the many sides of Guatemalan life.
What should I avoid?
Guatemala City is best left to the locals. Known as one of the most dangerous cities in Central America, you would be advised to head straight out. If someone mentions death squads before you go, don’t worry. They ceased trading in 1996! Try and arrange transport out of the city before you go, because as soon as you emerge from the terminal you’ll have a barrage of taxi men, tour operators and shoe shine boys gravitating towards you.
How much to get tanked?
Live like a tourist, pay like a tourist. Be wary of the ever-changing local price. Those with a modicum of Spanish might find the Guatemalan Del Boys easier to deal with, but for everyone else, look for menus that actually list the prices of their wonderful German-influenced local beers, from the nectar-like dark ale Moza, to the everyman brew of choice, Gallo. A cold one will set you back roughly €3 a pint.
What about dining?
Due to the nature of the tourist industry, you will have to dig that bit deeper to find authentic eats. Choices range from frijoles to variations of standard European fare. For the most part think Mexican with less chillis bunged in. If you prefer your food to leave your mouth like it’s been assaulted by a spice rack, hot sauce is usually served on the side. Also don’t be alarmed that the simple tortilla has taken on more of an Indian influence, with it being doughier and smaller in size than its Mexican cousin. Meal prices differ depending how far off the beaten track you go.
What should I bring home?
Touted as having the best coffee in the world, you can get your hands on free trade organic produce in most tourist shops, but try to find a local plantation, especially around Lake Atitlan. Tours are a sobering experience and you’ll appreciate your Mochochocolatte a bit more on your return home. Those with a sweet tooth should grab some local dark cocoa which makes a tastebud gratifying hot chocolate, and for the mammy, how about some local weaved textiles.

Recommended!

Pubs

Jardin de Bavaria
Av Norte, Antigua
You may think you’ve been transported into the wrong country, as this hostelry has more German beers than Oktoberfest.

Rainbow Cafe
Av Sur, Antigua
Relaxed tourist-friendly café bar with evening entertainment.

Shanti Shanti,
San Pedro, Lake Atitlan
Famed for its Cubre Libres, which don’t disappoint.

Restaurants

Casa Santa Domingo Hotel
Antigua
Champagne backpackers and monied locals.

Hotel La Paz
San Marcos, Lake Atitlan
Amazing vegetarian traditional burritos served in the heart of the jungle!

Zoola
San Pedro, Atitlan
Bohemian restaurant and accommodation, which embodies the hippy ideal. Try the yogurt-based milkshakes, or ask them about their ‘cookies’...

Markets

Antigua Market
From Poma Tops, Niki sneakers or Adidodas football shirts, this is the mecca for all things knock-off.

Chichicastenango
The twice-weekly local market attracts thousands of locals and tourists alike.

Hotels

Lomas de Tzununa
Lake Atitalan
Breathtaking views from any of the 400 steps you need to climb to get there and food that’s fresh and modern with a local twist.

Dos Lunas
Guatemala City
Two minutes from the airport, this cheap, clean and welcoming spot is run by the most enthusiastic of hosts. Free airport shuttle service offered.

Departures

GRAPE EXPECTATIONS
May 17 finds Hot Travel’s favourite bottle emporium, Mitchell & Son, taking a posse of wine-lovers to Sicily for a seven-night orgy of oenophilia.
During your stay, you’ll get to visit some of the island’s finest vineyards, explore the cities of Catania, Palermo and Taormina and get an up-close look at one of the world’s most active volcanoes, Mount Etna.
The price is €1,249 per person sharing, which includes transport, hotel accommodation on a B&B basis, excursions, three gourmet lunches and – most importantly – loads of free vino.
See www.mitchellandson.com for a full itinerary or, better still, call into their new shop in the CHQ Building, I.F.S.C., Dublin 1 where you can pick up a bottle of Sicilian wine to get you in the mood.
If you want to add an organised crime dimension to your trip, stick a copy of John Dickie’s Cosa Nostra: A History Of The Sicilian Mafia in your wheelie-case.
The true story of the families who inspired The Godfather trilogy, it got the ultimate ‘thumbs up’ a few years ago when an imprisoned capo remarked on its accuracy.

EXIT MARKS THE SPOT
Moby, Kraftwerk and Arctic Monkeys are among the first batch of acts to be confirmed for this year’s EXIT Festival, which takes place in the Serbian city of Novi Sad from July 9 to 12. Hot Travel was at the Balkan blowout two years ago, and loved every single nanosecond of it.
To prevent lily-livered Western Europeans getting sunstroke – daytime temperatures tend to hover around the 35 degree mark – the live action runs from 7am to 7pm in a walled medieval fortress overlooking the Danube.
There were at last count 17 stages blasting out everything from death metal and gabba techno to metal and that strangest of Serb inventions, turbo folk.
If you want to make a longer holiday of it, Novi Sad is just a two-hour train ride from Belgrade, which is on a par with Berlin in terms of its underground club scene.

Be warned that any mention of Slobodan Milosevic and his nationalist mates will result in heated debate and somebody – most likely you – getting a punch on the nose. The Balkan conflict may have ended a decade ago, but the scars have yet to heal.
Otherwise, the locals are dead friendly and delighted to share their magic mushrooms with Irish visitors (it’s a long and tawdry story).

LD’S SOUND SYSTEM
Feeling the recessionary pinch as keenly as everybody else, LD Lines have reduced fares on their weekly Rosslare-Le Havre sailings to as little as €79 for two people and their car. www.ldlines.ie has all the details.
From Le Havre, it’s just a short drive to Rouen, the medieval city where Joan Of Arc was burnt in 1431. Although heavily damaged during World War II by Allied bombing – a dim view was taken to the German Navy having its headquarters there – Rouen’s old town is an absolute gem and home to such fabulous restaurants as Maison Dufour (67 bis rue St. Nicholas. Tel. +02 35 71 90 62) whose John Dory in Normandy cider and Calvados-drenched soufflé (there’s a theme developing here) are both to mourir for.
Accommodation-wise, the city-centre Hotel De Paris (12 Rue De La Champmeslé. www.booking.com) has comfy doubles for a bargain €64.

CZECHING OUT
AirAsiaX is offering London Stansted-Kuala Lumpur returns for under £200 including taxes. The catch being that all meals and drinks on the 12-hour flight have to be paid for… Czech Airlines, which recently pulled out of Dublin, has been put up for sale by the Czech government… S7 has suspended its direct Dublin-Moscow flights until further notice… The Air Transport Users Council has slated airlines for not providing passengers whose bags they’ve lost with adequate compensation. “We think £30 a day is a fair amount,” the independent pressure group says. Ryanair currently offers only half that…