Ross O’Carroll Kelly Man Paul Howard Pens Copper Face Jacks: The Musical

The Irish theatre world was stunned today with the announcement that Copper Face Jacks: The Musical was finally destined to make it to the stage.

The status of Copper Face Jacks as a national institution is already secure. "New York had Studio 54, Paris has The Moulin Rouge and Manchester had The Hacienda but ALL of Ireland has Copper Face Jacks,” a spokesperson for the top secret production told Hot Press exclusively, in a press release that has gone to newspapers all over the world, and even a few websites as well. “And now this Club Of Clubs is getting its very own all-singing, all-dancing musical, as the producers of ANGLO: The Musical are proud to present the world premiere of Paul Howard’s latest comedy masterpiece, Copper Face Jacks: The Musical."

Opening in Dublin’s Olympia Theatre on Thursday 5 July, Copper Face Jacks: The Musical is, we are told by a deep throat within the production team, "a celebration of a club that started out life as something of a Culchie Embassy in Dublin but has since been embraced by its home city, as regardless of your county colours you’ll always find a welcome (and a slow-set plus a nurse… and if you're lucky both together) in the club that has become synonymous with having a good time for three generations of Irish night clubbers."

Tickets for the long gossiped-about show, from €28 plus booking fee, will go on sale this Friday, 2 March 2018, from Ticketmaster.ie. The queue, meanwhile, is expected to be a long one – in the best Coppers tradition, of course.

Copper Face Jacks: The Musical is written by Ross O’Carroll Kelly-creator Paul Howard (pictured, right, sorry left, sorry above, with Declan Lynch), and is "a love story set on the eve of a Dublin .v. Kerry All Ireland Final, when a sweet Kerry girl, who’s moved to the big smoke for her dream job in The VHI, ends up falling head over her flat-shoes with a true blue Dublin team member."

Can love conquer all, as these two young sweethearts face massive cultural and linguistic hurdles on their road to happiness/Croker?

"Only time, some great tunes, a cast of puppets and a bunch of cloakroom tickets will tell,” the spokesperson continued, in a flurry of Twitter DMs, "as Paul Howard uses his mighty comedy pen to see Copper Face Jacks: The Musical celebrate the nightclub that has become so much more than just a club and instead is home to millions of love stories – and countless lost mobiles."

Having lost its only extant mobile, Hot Press was unable to reply, but we hope to do so after the current weather alerts have ended, the snow has disappeared and life has returned to abnormal.

Speaking about the show, the legendarily reclusive genius Paul Howard – nothing to Howard Hughes apparently – had this to say: “Once you hear the name Copper Face Jacks: The Musical it’s impossible not to want to make it happen. We’ve been talking about it for a few years now, so it’s brilliant to think, in just a few months, it will be up and running. I hope we can do this very special venue justice… whilst I also secretly dream of a day when this work is on the Leaving Certificate”.

According to the top secret copy of a memorandum drafted as an aide memoir for an intended press release that may or may not have gone out to certain media outlets, accidentally or otherwise, Copper Face Jacks: The Musical is the second in Paul Howard’s trilogy of puppet based musicals, with his third, entitled Dermot Bannon: The Opera, due to open in a soon-to-be built Bannon-designed glass box extension on The Abbey Theatre sometime in 2023. Dermot Bannon was unavailable for comment.

Copper Face Jacks: The Musical is produced by Kite Entertainment and Verdant Productions in association with the Olympia Theatre. "Original Concept Created by Darren Smith with Paul Howard,” the alleged draft of the possibly imaginary press release said cryptically, on a page marked HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL.

Buy your tickets now. Well, on Friday.