Noise in the hood

Never mind nuclear explosions in North Korea or Madonna wanting to stea…, sorry, adopt a Malawian baby, the biggest news story of the fortnight is the Merthyr Tydfil man who’s invented an electromechanical teenager repellent.

Yup, Antos and Dekkos are a thing of the past thanks to a device which makes an annoying noise that’s audible to young ears but not adult ones.
To thank him for ridding the civilised world of ratboys – round ‘em up like cattle, and shoot ‘em like pigs, we say – Howard Stapleton has been awarded the Ig Nobel Peace Prize.
Taking place earlier this month at Harvard University (“students in actually being funny” shocker!), there were also gongs for the Californian who discovered why woodpeckers don’t get headaches; the Australian who calculated the number of shots you must take to ensure that nobody in a group photo will have their eyes closed; and the Israeli who discovered that intractable hiccups can be terminated with a digital rectal massage.
The full list of Ig Nobel Prize winners can be perused at improbable.com/ig/ig-pastwinners.html#ig2006
Staying in the dusty halls of academia, and CIN was fascinated by Steven Stack and Jim Gundlach’s research into the ‘Effect of Country Music on Suicide’.
Apparently, “analysis of 49 metropolitan areas show that the greater the airtime devoted to country music, the greater the white suicide rate. Country music is hypothesized to nurture a suicidal mood through its concerns with marital discord, alcohol abuse and alienation from work.” Having done such sterling work in the States, we propose that the two professors come over to assess the ‘Effects of Country ‘N’ Irish Music on Suicide’, and then help draught legislation which would make Gloria, Margo and The Singing Brickie a criminal offence.
Find out more at links.jstor.org/sici?sici=0037-7732(199209)71%3A1%3C211%3ATEOCMO%3E2.0.CO%3B2-C.
There’s joyous news for Sudan’s Omar al-Bashir who, in the face of stiff competition, remains at number one in the annual ‘World’s Top 10 Dictators’ list.
Indeed, there’s no change in the top 3 with North Korea’s Kim Jong-il and Burma’s Than Shwe tucked in behind him.
Despite banning car radios, lip-syncing, rural libraries and playing recorded music at weddings, Hot Press’ favourite despot, Turkmenistan’s Saparmuray Niyazov, remains static at number eight.
Get the full rundown at www.parade.com/articles/editions/2006/edition_01-22-2006/Dictators
Which just leaves time for quick visits to www.youtube.com/watch?v=YiKBoLXg5Cw (Sesame Street will never be the same); www.collegehumor.com/video:1712031 (Battle of the Album Covers); and www.blackpitchpress.com/celebrityskin/music.htm (David Lee Roth’s fecal matter a snip at $30).b