- Sex & Drugs
- 05 Nov 18
Sex is good for you. Of course it is. But there are times when even that clearly truthful statement must be questioned. Certainly, if the net effect is that someone feels bad about themselves, they need to think again about what they are doing – and why...
Welcome to Los Angeles where Trixie, a 35-year-old pursuing a career in the biz, lives. She’s a hilarious comedic actress who looks a bit like Charlotte from Sex And The City, but acts more like Samantha. She’s also got a thing for men old enough to be her grandpa, something she’s been grappling with since she quit drinking alcohol entirely.
In her first year of sobriety, Trixie had a lot of sex. “My sponsor told me ‘you can eat as much as you want, smoke as much as you want, fuck as much as you want, just don’t drink or use – no matter what’. So I did. I banged it out. That first year, it was just so hard to be by myself. I love getting out of my head, escaping. How do you do that without drinking or doing drugs?”
While transitioning into a life of sobriety, Trixie used “the rooms” to find her sex partners. “I have a thing for older men,” Trixie says. “It’s not that I dress slutty at all, but they pick up on it. One date I had recently was with a 74-year-old man, who fingered me. I was bringing him to his doctor’s appointments.”
He was impotent but still eager! Does she have a ‘Daddy fetish’? “I guess so. I want a father figure who’s attracted to me, but won’t act on it. I want them to want me. I just don’t want them to pull out their dick, but they always do. My therapist says my baby needs are now sexualised. I long to be cradled, snuggled, I want to be held tight… and I want to get fucked. Really hard. Dick inside, no condom, no barriers, as close as being inside mom. I wanna feel as close as I was in the embryo. I dunno if that’s normal or not.”
Trixie was born and raised in Louisiana. As a child, her mother was mysteriously murdered when she was just 14 months old. This type of trauma can cause relationship issues later on in life. Her father raised her and her siblings, along with a beloved grandparent. She describes her father:
“Yeah, he was a bad dad… he just had sex all the time. He was a sex addict. My stepmother was his sex slave. She would wear slutty Halloween costumes all year round. She’d tape my dad having sex with other women. She allowed him to have sex with prostitutes – even toothless ones. And she was good looking! Pretty – boob job, chin implants. She came from old money and gave my father lots of it. Her dad had committed suicide. I’ve got to stop the cycle somewhere. I wanna be a mother one day, and I don’t wanna fuck up my kid. I’m scared though.”
Trixie has slept with a homeless man.
“This guy, he just reminded me of my dad,” she says. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I was 21 years old. He was homeless, so I would let him sleep at my house, shower at my place – until he got crazy. I think I caught HPV (human papillomavirus) from him. I have it now.”
I ask what other types she goes for.
“I usually date guys that have not slept around a lot,” she says. “Guys that are kind of ‘loser-ish’ – those are the guys I feel really safe with. Like obese guys.”
She recalls the time she had sex with her improv teacher, who was 12 years her senior.
“This guy said ‘call me daddy’. I’m on top of him, and my phone rang, and he’s like ‘don’t get it, don’t get it, that’s mommy calling!’ And that was it. That ruined it. He took it to a whole ‘nuther level. I guess I’m attracted to powerful figures. I want to stop dating older men. I would like to get into a healthy relationship with someone age appropriate.” Has she ever had a ‘healthy’ relationship? She answers immediately. “No, never.”
One therapist suggested she learn how to masturbate. It’s something she doesn’t feel entirely comfortable doing.
“I need to be cheered on, or talked into having an orgasm,” she admits. Trixie continues to explore herself in sobriety. She has started going to meetings in a sister programme for sex and love addicts. The SLAA programme has this promise: we learn to value sex as a by-product of sharing, commitment, trust and cooperation in a partnership.
“There just has to be hope. Like you can come from a fucked-up family, and have done fucked-up things, and then not be fucked-up,” she says hopefully.
“I’ve been sad recently, just because I’m freezing my eggs, getting injected with all these hormones. I feel like I’ve been gaining a lot of weight. Hormones are the real deal! My body’s not producing enough eggs, ugh, so there’s something shameful about that. It’s crazy expensive. I want to be a mother – but then I feel like I’m too fucked-up. Who would want me? That’s why I feel I need to date either obese senior citizens or… I was dating this guy, he was just like my dad, a sociopath.”
She thinks out loud.
“I can only date someone who’s fucked-up because only a fucked-up person would understand me. But I’m changing. I’m changing… I hit rock bottom with that 74-year-old man. I had to call the police on him: he was crazy! Before that, I was dating a 62-year-old. He took me out to dinner at the Soho House and instead of kissing me, he dropped to his knees and went down on me. I wasn’t wearing any underwear. But it was like in the middle of the street. I thought: OK I like him. I like him. We dated four or five times. Then I said to him ‘you’re too old’. I want to get married and have a kid, and he doesn’t. So I ghosted him.
“I don’t know how to say no to sex,” she adds. “All you have to do is twist a nipple and I’m like, ok, fine.”
Well, at least she’s still sober!