War Of The Roses

The Stone Roses had barely finished their Third Coming press conference when a fantastic clip of them supposedly battling it out with a bunch of pimply-faced third-levellers on University Challenge surfaced online.

While displaying little understanding of post-civil war Sri Lankan politics, the band knew enough about applied mathematics and avian anatomy to see off their Worcester, Oxford rivals.
The clip, which necessitated a change of Caught In The Net’s underwear, was the handiwork of UK cut-up merchants Channel Alright who’ve also taken liberties recently with Banksy, Newsnight and Fight Club. Peruse their work at youtube.com/user/channelalright.
CITN is beyond excited that its favourite surviving ’76 UK punk band The Damned are to be given the rockumentary treatment by Lemmy The Movie co-director Wes Orshoksi.
“It seems like every other scumbag who was ever in a punk band got a film made about them. Now it’s our turn, and at least we have some real stories to tell,” founder member Captain Sensible reflects. “Hopefully, this will cause a bit of a stink, but that’s what it was always supposed to do.”
Orshoksi will be jumping in the tour bus with the gang this month as they kick off their 35th anniversary tour in Boston, details of which can be found on officialdamned.com.
“I’m incredibly honoured to be working with a band who I feel has registered an immeasurable impact on artists from across the musical spectrum,” he says. “I feel like The Damned’s story and the scope of the band’s influence has gone largely unnoticed by the masses, especially in America. And I’m hoping my film will help right that wrong.”
He’s asking anyone with vintage Damned video footage, videos and memorabilia to contact [email protected].
Also being rockumented next year is Johnny Moped, The Damned’s punk eccentric mate whose ‘Darling Let’s Have Another Baby’ is one of CIN’s favourite 45s of all time.
Returning to the here and now and Maria Jose Cristerna, aka Mexico’s Vampire Lady, has been proudly showing off her new set of titanium horn implants at bit.ly/eMhFdW.
This much-modified senorita also hangs out at es-la.facebook.com/maryjose.cristerna and seems for all her scary looks jolly nice.
Which just leaves time for quick visits to dinohoodie.com (make like a muthafuckin’ terry dactyl); takethislollipop.com (when social media goes bad); nyp.st/v2QZb0 (Lego Man weirdness); bit.ly/uSBoKx (dog has time of his life at footie match); drawastickman.com (fun for all the office); unitunitunit.com/qwertybeats (online drum machine); and tomscott.com/warnings (we’re scared!).