R.O.C: "I've struggled with my own mental health over the years. It played a big part in why I started to release music – and why I stopped"

It’s been a decade since Richard O’Connor, aka R.O.C (previously known as Bitter Rocc), stepped out from the music scene. Before then, the Dublin-based producer had been widely acclaimed for his genre-defying sound, blending intricate production with raw emotion and paving the way for many artists and producers who followed.

In 2013, O’Connor was considered to be one of Ireland's most promising talents, releasing two mini-albums, MMXIII and MMXIII Pt. Deux, exclusively with this very publication. The following year, though, he abruptly took the decision to retire, citing a disillusionment with the industry.

Now married and a father of two, O’Connor is back with a new perspective on life and music – but even while spending time away from the public eye, he never stopped creating.

“I am always working on music, whether it's production for someone else, or just for the love of it,” he explains. “I use music as a way to express what's going on in my head. I'm not a great talker, so I lean on music a lot for that side of my brain. I really struggle with releasing new music, it's a constant battle. I don't like the attention it brings, but I felt really safe with ‘Change Ya’ Mind’. That's probably the best way I can describe it.”

This struggle that he speaks of is, in fact, the central theme to R.O.C’s brand new single, which was inspired by an article talking about how suicide, particularly in young men, has now passed the number of road deaths in Ireland per year.

“That is shocking to me,” he states. “I know people have mental health issues, myself being one of them but I had no idea it had risen so high. The government told us that they have invested €1.3 billion in mental health services, where has that money gone? How are those numbers so high?!”

The subject of mental well-being, as a whole, hits close to home for the producer.

“I've struggled with my own mental health over the years. It played a big part in why I started to release music back in the early 00's and why I stopped. My first album helped me deal with what was going on in my head, it helped me express it, to a certain extent.”

With O’Connor’s evident love for his craft, and the scale of his influence on this country’s music scene, it’d be easy to assume that the man enjoys being under the spotlight – but in fact, after releasing MMXIII and MMXIII Pt. Deux over a decade ago, he realised that this might not be a healthy environment for him.

“I thought external praise is what I needed to be 'happy' or 'normal',” he says. “I learned pretty quickly that wasn't the case. I hated the attention: I don't do well in large crowds and performing gigs really scared me. I remember doing a headline show in the Twisted Pepper with Hot Press, for the release of an EP I did with you guys, and it sold out – which was great. Everything went better than expected, but, when I got off stage, I felt like someone had just killed my dog, or something.

“All I wanted to do was cry, I felt awful for no reason," he continues. "I didn't know how to handle it, so I stopped after that. I turned down support slots, festivals and TV appearances. I was terrified of feeling that way again. As you can imagine that's not ideal for a 'new' artist releasing music. Especially back then when Spotify and social media wasn't the way you released music independently. “

This mindset that O’Connor found himself into ten years ago stemmed from a lot of sources – but a key one was how Ireland treats its young people.

“As much as I love Ireland, I think it's a hard place to grow up in," he maintains. "If you are in any way creative, then forget about making it a career: government policy and the lack of support makes it impossible to express yourself freely without financial worries. We pride ourselves as being poets and artists, but when it comes to helping young people see that, it's shot down from an early age. That's so frustrating as a young person."

Growing up in Ireland, R.O.C reflects, he was never encouraged to even consider creativity to be a possibility for his future.

“I thought I had to play up to that old council estate mindset and be a 'hard man', which wasn't me at all. At one stage, I thought I was probably gay because I enjoyed art and making music. That's what we were led to believe back then. School was no help to me, it was one way or no way.

“Self-expression didn't come into it. Imagine all of that on top of how social media is now: zero support given to schools to tackle how we look at one another. Another massive gap in education, young people barely know how to survive in social groups let alone in life. It's tough out there, the huge social pressure on top of being unable to express who you are as a human must play a huge part in it.”

With the release of Change Ya’ Mind’, O’Connor wanted to make sure of one thing: that he could start a conversation.

“Like any issue, it is super important to talk about mental health. Music is a great way to get into a room. It's something you can listen to alone or in a group setting. We all take something away from a song we like, maybe some young lad or young girl will chat about it with their mates. Maybe it will lead to somebody opening up or seeking help? Who knows, but at least it is being talked about. I hope it's enough to make even the tiniest bit of difference to a person's life.”

This conversation, he says, is the first and central step to healing.

“The best way to battle mental health is to talk,” he insists. “As I said, I’m not a talker: the hardest part of my journey was telling my wife, Danielle. That was the single most difficult thing I have ever done. The second was going to Pieta House and talking to a councillor for a couple of months. I still can't believe I did that, to be honest, I am such an introverted person – but it really changed my life.

“As clichéd as it sounds, talking changed everything for me. I still have my off days, I still find it hard to talk openly, but I'm trying. You take it one day at a time. Most campaigns you see for mental health are centred around the word 'talk'. Maybe people are sick of seeing or hearing that? Maybe that's why it doesn't resonate? Who knows, to me it's the most important part of getting help and should always be the main focus point.”

Despite the seemingly dark themes of the track, ‘Change Ya’ Mind’ is profoundly infectious and strangely uplifting.

“I used to listen to really dark music,” he confesses, “and I found myself feeling pissed off or sad afterwards. That was the last thing I wanted with 'Change Ya' Mind'. I want somebody to take a sense of hope away from it. It's catchy enough to stick in the mind of a listener to drive home the message. The beat is bouncy enough to play in your car or house when friends are around. You never know who needs to hear it and who needs that tiny bit of hope to pick up the phone and talk.”

‘Change Ya’ Mind’ is out now. See the next issue of Hot Press for a roundup of some of the other Irish artists tackling mental health head on in their music.