- 15 Sep 19
Good news this week as my ship has finally come in. A vulture fund has made a once in a lifetime offer on my penthouse. It’s champers all the way for the boy from here on out. I’ve only seen vague plans - pictured above - at this point but it looks like the venerable firm of Carcass Pickers Properties (CPP) are going to construct a two hundred-room hotel on the site of my abode. How will that do it? Hey, I’m no engineer or architect with imagination – although that’s hardly a prerequisite if you look at some of the other hotels about the town – so I don’t question things I couldn’t possibly understand. The brochure also promises both sea and mountain views, which is a pretty good trick in Inchicore. Is yet another hotel needed? What do I care once the cheque clears? I’m moving to the country to eat a lot of peaches and sit back, counting dough.
“For Shame!” I hear you cry, but how is it my problem if Dublin wants to eat itself and the man won’t be happy until people can only come to the fair city if they have a thing for looking at hotels, because that’s all that’s going to be left? Remember the Dublin pub? Famous all the over the world? Well, we’ve improved that by taking all the soul out and making it bigger. Remember those Georgian house fronts? Horrible, weren’t they? Well, we got the fuck rid of them and put some eye-pleasing concrete slabs in their place. Do you remember that flea-pit you used to frequent, where bands like The Arse Giraffes had a chance to get their shit together? What would you want with that when there's some safe identikit nonsense "performing" in the enormo-dome down the road? You can buy popcorn at a "gig"! Rest assured that you can come to Dublin, sip the same over priced beverage that you can buy anywhere else in the world, and avoid anything like local character by staying in the same beige room you’ve seen a thousand times before. And when it all falls down again, as it inevitably will? Why, we’ll just sell it off to the next crowd, for half nothing. To hell with your hippie ideals of "culture" and "quality of life", I'm getting mine while the getting is good!
Bad news. CPP have decided to go with the apartment next door. Looks like I’ll be here for another while, just without any sunlight. Console yourself and me with this week’s Golden Hour. Don’t forget to click the heart icon and follow the Hot Press Spotify profile while you’re at it.