Ooops! I Did It Again

The work of an ex-Mousekateer or not, I have to say that I was rather taken with Britney Spears' Baby One More Time debut. A fresh and surprisingly funky collection of songs, it resonated with a sexual tension that you don't get from bunch-haired girls who keep Chupa-Chups in their pinnies (We're talking about you, Lolly!).

And while not exactly a feminist icon, Spears has made it clear in her increasingly frank interviews that she's no bend me any way you want kewpie doll.

Given her attendance at every celebrity megabash going, it's a miracle that she's found time to record a follow-up, but here it is in all of its expensively-produced glory.

"You think that I'm sent from above. . . .I'm not that innocent!," the 18-year old proclaims on the title-track and, sure enough, the performance manages to match the TLCs of this world for sassiness.

More impressive still is 'Don't Go Knocking On My Door', a bump and grinding declaration of independence which could hold its own on any R'n'B dancefloor. Seriously, if she'd been born in Pras' neighbourhood, they'd be hailing Spears as a ghetto superstar.

The Encyclopaedia of Journalistic Superlatives is about to come down off the shelf when, Ooops!, she goes and blows it with a cover of '(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction' which is grislier than a two-footed Roy Keane lunge. I'm sure the Stones won't object to the royalties, but in musical terms it's a disaster.

The same's true of 'Don't Let Me Be The Last One To Know', a Mutt Lange/Shania Twain co-write which ought to be taken out and shot by the Schmaltz Police. It's Cannibal Corpse, though, compared to Spears' own stab at tunesmithery, 'Dear Diary'.

"Today I saw that boy/As he walked by I thought he smiled at me/I tried to smile, but I could hardly breathe," she simpers in spineless sub-Whitney fashion. For God's sake woman, haven't the Spice Girls taught you anything?

The album rallies briefly with 'Lucky' - a curiously upbeat song about Hollywood stardom gone wrong - and the stammering 'Can't Make You Love Me', but otherwise there's nothing else that stands up to critical scrutiny.

Which, overall, doesn't make it any more or less vacuous than the new Elastica record. The advantage that Britney has over Justine, though, is that it'll be a while before she ends up in the bargain bins.