Night of the living dread

The world is a threatening and nauseating place at 6am when you have nothing to show for your tiredness except a dog’s dinner of an essay and a complete contempt for humanity. Take my word for it.
Truth be told, finishing an assignment with a deadline breathing down your neck is an act of brazen irresponsibility. You could have got the essay done – but you preferred to play pool. Dawdling thus, you’ve left things to the last minute – and now you’re up to your proverbials in it. Well, if you do put yourself in that position, then there is no option but to break on through to the other side. It’s been done before. It’ll be done again. The problem is that you have to do it now – or never!
Facing an all night cram session, it’s tempting to look for an easy way out. But don’t think chemical stimulation is your friend. Amphetamines wrecked Elvis. He was better than you – at singing at least! Ergo, amphetamines will wreck you worse than they wrecked Elvis, and anyway he got some decent tunes out of it whereas all you’ll be left with are some half-baked meanderings on dialectical materialism.
What you need to do is dig in for the long haul. You got up late anyway, betrayed by the tyranny of the snooze button. You knew it really was late when you saw the Evening Herald in Centra while buying what you thought was breakfast. But it is even later than it seems. You have to budget for an hour’s computer problems (auto-save and backing up are essential) and a missed bus. Now that you know where you really stand, get stuck in – and work like your future depends on it (sorry to break it to you: but it probably does).
In this grim scenario, under no circumstances must you lie down or otherwise rest. Your body will tell you to sleep – but your body is trying to betray you. This is where psychology students have the upper hand: they know that if you can trick yourself that you’ve had a full quota of sleep then it is simply a case of mind over matter.
Betray no emotion when you are handing in your assignment the next morning. Smile knowingly, for sleep is at hand. You did it. And if you didn’t, there is always some loser you meet on the way out the door who is in an even worse predicament than you. Sweet dreams.