Mad Hatter: Brianna Parkins

Who would be the last person you would invite to your birthday party?

The girls who bullied me in primary school for having thick eyebrows. How the eyebrow trend tables have turned!

Who would be the first person you would invite to your birthday party?

The dog. But only if she lets me put a party hat on her.

Favourite saying?

“Keep the bastards honest” – Don Chipp.

Favourite record?

Live Through This by Courtney Love. Got me through the ages of 14-25. Should be requisite listening for all teenage girls.

Favourite book?

Postcards From Surfers by Helen Garner

Favourite film?

The Graduate. Just for the line: “Plastics...” 24 Hour Party People gets a good run and also Muriel’s Wedding.

Favourite author?

Helen Garner but also Edna O’Brien, Anne Enright or Annie Proulx. All no-nonsense women, who can get up the guts of a story without the wank. I’ve had a lot of “it’s not just me” moments reading them.

Favourite actor/actress?

Joel Edgerton

Favourite musician?

At the minute it’s a dead heat between Darren Hanlon and New Order.

Most embarrassing moment of your life?

I’m still haunted by calling the teacher mum in year four. I routinely do embarrassing things so most are thankfully suppressed. But there is always the party piece I did on national TV for The Rose Of Tralee, which lives on YouTube forever.

Favourite food/drink/stimulant?

A little Australian delicacy called Little Fat Lamb. Puts Buckfast to shame.

TV programme?

For the minute Love Island, but I’ve watched Peep Show more than a healthy amount. I’ve also got a fair few Australians into the Hardy Bucks.

Favourite TV personality?

Am I allowed to say Maura from Love Island? Otherwise, Alan Carr.

Favourite item of clothing?

A big faux fur coat I own that triples as a blanket, pillow and jacket at festivals.

Most desirable date?

Just take me anywhere that doesn’t have a drinks fridge. One of the best I’ve been on involved a faraway music festival and minimal plans.

Favourite method of relaxation?

I’ve been trying to get into yoga but I find myself chanting “I fucking hate yoga” in my head over and over again while I do it. I do feel better afterwards, though.

If you weren’t pursuing your present career, what other career might you have chosen?

I used to be a union official, working with wharfies and miners before I was a journalist. It was the one job where I didn’t have to tone down the swearing.

Biggest thrill?

The day Repeal was voted in. People say your wedding is the best of your life, but mine was standing with everyone else who’d fought so hard on the campaign, dancing to Chaka Khan’s ‘I’m Every Woman’ as the results were read out.

Biggest disappointment?

The low-cut jeans we all had in the early 2000s.

Your concept of heaven?

Big dirty sesh that ends up with my nearest and dearest dancing to Donna Summer on tables at a house party. Or getting to read the paper back to back on a Sunday at an old man’s pub with crisps open on the table.

Your concept of hell?

Team-building exercises with strangers. Or looking for a rental property in Dublin.

What would be your dying words?

I’m tired.

Greatest ambition?

Being able to help pay for my nieces and nephews’ education.

Period of history you’d most like to have lived in and why?

The ‘70s. The disco. The polyester. The eye shadow. Feminism. It had it all.

If you weren’t a human being which animal would you have chosen to be?

An otter. Class animal.

If you were told that the world was ending tomorrow morning, how would you react/what would you do?

All-night dance-off with everyone I love.

Your nominee for the world’s best-dressed person?

Fran Fine had one of the best wardrobes during The Nanny.

Favourite term of abuse?

Deadshit. Delightfully Australian. Gets the point across.

Biggest fear?

Having to go back to working in retail.

Humanity’s most useful invention?

Noise-cancelling headphones.

Humanity’s most useless invention?

Crossfit.

• Brianna Parkins is a former Sydney Rose and Rose of Tralee finalist. She is a reporter with Ireland AM, from 7am, from Monday to Friday, on Virgin Media TV.