12 Step Planet: Oslo

When should I go?
Norway is at its best and brightest from May to September but because many tourist sights are only open from June to August, it’s best to wait until late summer when the city is at a temperate 16 degrees on average and you might even score yourself a day or two of sunshine. The cold, dark winters aren’t as romantic as they may seem – public transport runs less frequently; most hostels are closed and sights, museums and tourist offices lie dormant.
What are the touristy things to do?
The Royal Palace, the Opera House, the Oslo Cathedral...Oslo’s certainly not short on attractions. Theatre buffs will lap up the Henrik Ibsen Museum while the Edvard Munch Museum is a must-see. Stop into the Pascal Cafe de la Paix at the Nobel Peace Centre for an unusual take on afternoon tea: it was designed by Turner-prize winner Chris Ofili to trick the eye into thinking green pyramids are sticking out of the walls. Trippiest croissant of my life.
Further afield, a peninsula called Bygdoy boasts the finest historical centres in the country, including the Viking Ship Museum where you can see two 1,100-year-old Viking vessels (the best preserved in the world, I’m told). Get there by bus (number 30) or, in summer, by ferry departing from pier three at Aker Brygge outside the city hall.
Anything else?
Norway’s landscape is famous for two things: fjords and cute little wooden houses, neither of which you’ll find in cosmopolitan Oslo. In summertime, you can take one of the ferries out to various nearby islands in the Oslo-fjord (boat 91/92/93/94 from Vippetangen, bus 60 runs to the quay) or at the very least, pay a visit to the city’s medieval castle and fortress Akershus festning (Tram 12 to Radhusplassen, bus 60 to Bankplassen) for an extraordinary view of the bay.
For something a bit more low-key, an old fishing town called Son lies just 50km from Oslo city and it’s a veritable rural treasure. The creative mecca attracts artists and painters by the netful. Wooden housing areas near to Oslo include Kampen (bus 60), Valerenga (bus 37) and Rodelokka (tram 17, bus 31 to Sofienberg); another must for those itching to sample the quaint and quirky Norwegian landscape.
What about eating?
Everything you’ve heard about staying in Norway is true: you will absolutely bleed money. Even a McDonald’s meal will set you back considerably more krones than you’d expect to pay at home (see Recommended for where the clever folk eat). Traditional Norwegian food is an acquired taste to say the least (reindeer steak, anyone?). That said, Lapskaus, a kind of Scandinavian take on Irish stew, is generally very good and those moreish 2 euro hot dogs sold on the street are a godsend in a city where the green salad may be the only thing you can afford on the menu.
What should I avoid?
The Reindeer Steak.
Where can I stay?
Oslo is one city where you really do need to book ahead as frequent festivals clog up the summer calendar and it’s hard to get a berth in a decent hostel. You’ll be lucky to find a dorm for under e30 per night so it’s worth plumbing for a private or double room (generally only a few euro dearer). A lot of the hotels are overpriced chain numbers but the Thon Hotels are an exception: they’re centrally located and not too expensive, by Oslo standards anyway.
How much to get tanked?
Even more than it’ll cost you here (gasp). Yep, unfortunately a beer will set you back around 6 quid and what’s more, a good pub is very hard to find (see Recommended for my picks). The tap water of Oslo is among the cleanest in the world, if that’s any use to you?
It’s not all bad news for the frugal though. Much like us Irish, the Norwegians favour a good alfresco vorspeil. Roughly translating as “warm-up party”, this involves downing as many of your offy-bought beers as possible in the sunshine before heading out to a bar and the Vigeland Sculpture Park is the best place to do it. Just watch out for those pesky park rangers!
What should I bring home?
Karl Johan’s gate is the main shopping street but if you’ve come to Norway for bargains, Grunerlokka (take tram 11, 12 or 13 get off at Olaf Ryes Plass) is the place to find them and much like a Norwegian Grenwich Villiage, it has a great alternative vibe. Nab something for yourself in its second hand clothes stores or record shops, then pick up a Viking teddy for your Mam at the airport.
Why should I go?
Oslo’s a dream to navigate on foot and because the natives’ English is probably better than yours, it’s a fantastic place to make new friends. Plus, if you’ve got long, flowing, raven locks, you’re sorted! This is one of the few places on earth where dark hair turns the most heads.
Why should I not go?
Norway is expensive, bottom line. If it’s a cheap and cheerful getaway you’re after, tackle Berlin or Budapest first and leave Scandinavia ‘til you’re a bit more flush.
What’s my challenge?
Not to turn into a bitter old tourist – Norwegians are better looking, wealthier and happier than you are. Fact. If you must clutch at straws, the weather’s a bit crap; Bergen, Norway’s second largest city is known as the City of Rain (but I reckon they’ve never been to Borris-In-Ossory).