12 Step Planet: Ibiza

How Do I Get There?
The squarest deals for travel and accomodation to the white island are to be found these days online rather than with an agent. www.cheapflights.ie or www.edreams.com are a good place to start.

When should I go?
This really depends on whether you’re going for clubbing or to chill. If it’s the former, the hot month is September where the club season which has been building since June finally comes to a climax with a gala closing week featuring the biggest and best artists dominating the clubs.
If you fancy something more low-key, May to June would find the island quieter, sunnier but still up and running – out of season, like most holiday resorts, you’re more likely to find tumbleweed blowing across the air than the sound of minimal techno.

What are the touristy things to do?
Ibiza Town offers a full range of touristy options, from sightseeing and craft shops to walking tours and markets while the more energetic pursuits such as mountain biking, adventure sports, diving and karts are available all over the island. If all this sounds a bit much, you can simply rent a boat and chill.

Anything else?
The rest is clubbing. The real tourist industry here is dance music. The minute you step off the plane you’re bombarded with billboard posters advertising the worlds biggest DJs’ summer residencies. World famous venues such as Privilege, Amnesia, Space, DC10, Pacha and Es Paradis should be high on your agenda, but don’t go home without joining the hundreds of clubbers who watch the sunset every night from the legendary Cafe Del Mar in San Antonio, considered the ultimate Ibiza experience. Use ibizaspotlight.com as your trusty calendar to the club season, which kicks off between June and September.

What about eating?
Venturing to Ibiza Town’s old town (or Dalt Vila as the locals call it) is highly recommended both for quality, variety and price and it’s here that you’ll discover the native cuisine, which includes great fish, paella and tapas. For no-nonsense holiday nosh, there’s a café on almost every corner offering gutbuster breakfasts, pizza and chips, lager and Eastenders in English on a plasma screen.

What should I avoid?
It’s tempting to answer this question in two words: San Antonio. But while the notorious Brit-infested region – where Ibiza Uncovered was filmed – hasn’t gotten any less noisy or dangerous since the ‘90s, it’s worth a quick taxi in and out just to experience its raw energy and vitalic edge. Also if you want to visit the holy grail of Cafe Del Mar it’s smack bang in the middle of San Antonio.
It’s also a good idea to avoid the many smiling men selling scratch cards for timeshare apartments.

Where can I stay?
In terms of the holiday-goer, the island is split into three sections. Ibiza Town is the oldest part, with a rugged beauty and resistance to foreigners that marks it out as also the most rural. However, two of the most upmarket and popular superclubs, Pacha and El Divino, are located there.
San Antonio can diplomatically be described as lively (see ‘What Should I Avoid?’). Playa D’en Bossa is a happy middle-ground between the tranquility of Ibiza Town and the hell-raising of San Antonio, and is favoured by both Irish families and clubbers alike, plus a large contingent of Spanish on holiday. In particular, the Jet Apartments complex in Playa D’en Bossa is highly recommended as it overlooks one of the white island’s true gems, the Bora Bora beach bar.

How much to get tanked?
Very little, no matter what resort you’re based in, there’s an abundance of picturesque bars and cafés with dirt cheap booze on offer so your face can melt down the bar in synch with the famous sunset. Which is just as well because the minute you cross the velvet rope of any of the superclubs later, be prepared to be mugged with the same efficiency as an Iberian highwayman. The drink prices are truly shocking and will have you running back to Dublin pubs screaming ‘all is forgiven!’. Best advice: get souped up in the local bars beforehand then nurse one ridiculously expensive red bull and vodka all night in the club.

What should I bring home?
Although its forte is fun-in-the-sun, there’s no shortage of souvenir, gifts and craft shops on Ibiza for keepsakes and presents alike. Most popular though are the hippy markets held daily on the island, the daddy of which is the original Wednesday market on the grounds of the Club Punta Arabi in Es Cana, where most people congregate for its huge selection of handmade items. You’ll find a cheeky gecko lizard – the island’s national symbol – popping up in all shapes and sizes handy for a present as would a bottle of Heirbas Ibicencas, a traditional drink made from local herbs and plants.

Why should I go?
Despite upstarts like Singapore, Dubai and Australia snapping at its heels and 20 years of merciless exploitation from the media, Ibiza will always be the cradle of modern club culture and is still the home address of dance music. White hot clubbing experiences such as sunset at Cafe Del Mar, peak-time in Privilege or Amnesia or mornings on the terrace at Space, you won’t find anywhere else in the world. Ibiza has a unique balance of hedonism, glamour and spirituality which makes it a timeless pitstop for young, and not so young, clubbers to have mega fun.

Why should I not go?
Don’t go if you’re a sun-dodger, if dance music goes through you after 30 seconds or if you hate looking at swarms of impossibly beautiful, semi-naked people ‘avin’ it large everywhere you turn.

What’s my challenge?
To enjoy the clubbing experience in its purest form while getting up early enough to drink in the glorious balmy beauty every day. And to shut up about it for even five minutes once you arrive home.