Caught in the Net

Calling all trust fund brats, Superquinn board members and Ikea directors - those with $500 to spare could do worse than head to www.ebay.com where a gentleman (and let’s face it, the seller can only be male) calling himself mqccheech is auctioning a “haunted cigarette butt”, which – wait for it – has purportedly been smoked by a ghost.

“This is a unique item, an authentic artefact that has been manipulated by a force from another plane – or at least some force I don’t understand,” explains cheech, gravely. After relating the circumstances surrounding the poltergeist’s putative puff (cheech having found himself alone in his parent’s house in the wee hours of January 1, 2003), our spooked seller goes on to describe the apparition’s cheeky behaviour.

“He smiled at me, reached for a cigarette and lit it with the matches he found on the table. There he was, sitting there silently and smoking. I couldn’t move. I thought I was going to die. He finally finished it, butched it and said ‘glad to know you’re moving out kid’.”

Elsewhere this fortnight, a Mr. Carlos Owens Jr of Wasilla, Alaska is working feverishly on the construction of an 18-foot machine (he expressly forbids it to be referred to as a “robot”) with awesome destructive capabilities. As Owens envisions it, the humanoid machine he’s building will shoot nine inch nails from the shoulders and 20-foot flames from the forearms. “You’ve got to have flame-throwers!” he laughs.

Owens aims to debut his mecha at a local demolition show this summer, and, more ambitiously, envisages mechas boxing in arenas, combating wildfires, repairing distant battle stations, and even fighting enemy soldiers in battle.

“I’m 100% certain this will work,” the apprentice ironworker tells local news site Juneau Empire. “Failure is not an option. I have no choice but to do this. If I don’t do it, I will explode.” The full story is viewable by clicking here.

Widely renowned for its sophisticated and cosmopolitan approach to beverages of all kinds, it would be remiss of Caught In The Net to sign off this fortnight without devoting a few words to the latest drinks craze sweeping Australia - Piss Beer.

“You can now enjoy the great taste of Piss and Piss Weak regardless of where you live,” enthuses the company’s website, www.pi55.com.

“The Piss Pak was developed in response to the massive demand we have received both in Australia and overseas for these distinctive brands, and we now offer delivery to your door anywhere in the world. Presented in a stylish gift box, the Piss Pak contains a T-shirt, a stubby holder and one bottle each of Piss and PissWeak. Order your Piss Pak today and discover why Australians love their Piss!”

All of which just leaves time for quick visits to www.akiba.sorobangeeks.net(plant key chains), www.lauracinti.com (cactuses growing human hair as a result of genetics splicing) and www.santoalt.com (New Jersey teen eats 6-pound hamburger).