MTV Isle Of Dance - Paradise Island

If ever proof were needed that MTV Europe are in league with Lucifer then the picturesque location for their biggest live dance event of the summer is it. It’s pronounced Isle du Goo so I’d half-expected some sort of gaudy floating construct hired from EuroDisney – think an Ibizian-style bubble party on a very big boat – but instead, Ile du Gaou turns out to be a breathtakingly gorgeous little island, like a dastardly Bond villain’s hideaway, connected to the southern French coast by a 30 foot wooden bridge.

Less than a kilometre long and only half as wide, for one day only the whole place has been transformed from a protected nature reserve (see what I mean about the devil’s bargain?) into a massive partyzone designed to accommodate 5000 clubbers. One of the MTV PR girls gave me a sheet with all the impressive technical stats: 2500 regular lights and 600 moving ones, 13 kms of fairy lights, 3500 metres of fencing, a crew of 340, 10 kms of timber to construct the set, 11 km of cabling for the 15 cameras used to film the event, one-and-a-half tonnes of free booze in the VIP area, etc.
As you can imagine, I was particularly pleased with the last two. A free bar to quench the kind of thirst 37 degree sunshine brings on, and 15 MTV cameras to record the whole event – thereby sparing me the hassle of having to take notes. Bliss!
Of course, the corporate sponsors are here in force as well. Mini have several full-size cars dotted around the place – which remain remarkably un-vandalised throughout – as well as three Scalextrix-style racing tracks where you can race mini-Minis by remote control. Philips have several stands, staffed by pretty Philips people, where you can recline in trendy hanging chairs and check out their fab new sound equipment on alarmingly sweaty headphones. And Lipton Tea have a massive yellow bubble dome, where the iced tea and full body massages – I kid you not! – are gratis. Paradise colonised.
There are two musical focus points. The massive main stage (6 tonnes of metal, 3 tonnes of plaster, 450 gallons of paint, etc) is designed to look like a stone cliff-face and is situated bang in the centre of the island, with a smaller DJ stage over the incline directly behind it. The DJ area is small, sandy and surreal – mirrorballs and neon lights hang from palm trees – and over the course of the night illustrious names like Rob Da Bank, Tiga, Jacques Lu Cont and Mr. C spin the discs. If you had a handful of pills you’d be laughing. Sadly I didn’t, and judging by the looks of studied insouciance on the faces of the cool continental crowd, neither did anybody else. I visited the DJ area several times throughout the event and it never really seemed to take off. Even at midnight, nobody was naked.
Although it was billed as an event “hosted” by Jack and Kelly Osbourne, Ozzie’s offspring are in fact only presenting to camera backstage in the VIP area, so Chilean mambo maestro Senor Cocunut and his seven-piece band kick off main-stage proceedings at 6pm without any official introduction. They play a full hour set to a quarter-capacity crowd, mostly comprised of chilled-out cover versions of everything from Kraftwerk’s ‘We Are The Robots’ and Sade’s ‘Smooth Operator’ to old Doors and Michael Jackson numbers. The band are all wearing black and you have to feel sorry for them in the sweltering heat. Senor Coconut himself seems to have it easy though – all he does is stand over a laptop looking thoughtful and occasionally mumble unintelligibly into the mike.
A DJ set and hip-hop act follow (I think it was Saian Supa Crew, but I wasn’t impressed enough to bother finding out) before the whole thing peaks gloriously – but way too early – with Lamb’s arrival onstage at 8pm. From the second the extremely gorgeous Mancunian Lou Rhodes steps out in a sugarplum pink dress and greets the crowd in French, Lamb have a very special vibe going. Piercings, tats and haircuts, the band look far cooler than they’re probably feeling (the sun only sets at the end of their, em, set) and when the artificial waterfall behind them starts flowing and the lights go strange, the scene is set for something special.
For a full hour, Lamb play the most energetic, ecstatic and adrenaline-fuelled live gig I’ve seen in years. With Andy Barlow at the helm of a space-age sized sequencer, technology is always at the heart of this set, but the soul is definitely in Lou’s haunting vocals. In between some excellent new material from their forthcoming fourth album, highlights included the divine ‘Gorecki’ and a stunning rendition of ‘Gabriel’. Over too soon, they truly played from the heart – a rarity in MTV world. Set your video recorders. And forget about Goldfrapp.
Nothing could compare to a set like that – and nothing does. Killa Kela’s human beatbox is entertaining for a while, but the mouth music becomes wearisome long before their allotted time is up (OK, OK, so you can make drum sounds with your mouth but, like, what else can you do?). Headliners Outkast meanwhile, stay onstage long enough to give us a good gawk at their new clothing range and, in between lots of “YO! YO! YO!”, sing a few bars of ‘Ain’t No Thang’ and ‘Miss Jackson’ before departing after about twenty minutes. Belgian duo 2MANYDJs play out until the 3am finish, but I was too busy enjoying a Lipton Tea massage to get up and dance.
Like all MTV events Isle of Dance was designed primarily for a television audience – and will undoubtedly look wonderful onscreen. For once, though, it was actually also a pleasure to be in the audience – mainly thanks to location, location and Lamb.
Meanwhile, back in Dublin, I understand you had a bit of a riot…