Katy Perry

“Cut the meat, cupcake!” ordered the mean old butcher, slamming a foul-smelling hunk of blubber onto the table in front of Katy. She peered up at him with huge, glistening eyes and longed for the taste of something sweet. Maybe she would pay a visit to the beautiful Baker’s Boy after work, she thought, and pick up a treat for her and her cat, Kitty Purry, to share.
All right, so it’s not the greatest story ever told, but if curvy sexpot Katy Perry ever chooses to turn her stadium show into a children’s book, you can consider me €12.99 the poorer.
The VT that rolls intermittently on Perry’s California Dreams tour follows our pig-tailed provocateur as she chases her mischievous cat around Candyfornia – a sugar-coated dreamland that’s part Oz, part Alice’s Wonderland and part Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory.
The O2 stage boasts just as many lollipops and pixie sticks tonight, as the 3D Perry bounds around in a candyfloss skirt squeaking out flirty remarks about making our night a little bit sweeter. Her dancers are dressed exactly like the cast of demented Australian children’s TV show Hi-5 , but then, what former prima ballerina in her right mind wouldn’t want an ice-cream cone on her head and the contents of a pick ‘n’ mix sewn onto her partner’s jeans? I’ll move on.
Katy Perry’s truly terrible second album Teenage Dreams was a difficult listen, at least for anyone old enough to understand outrageous single entendres like “I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock, your peacock”, but luckily all that mindless power pop is easier to digest as part of a cutesy Pantomime – blocking out all those stolen melodies is a breeze when there’s a buxom brunette in front of you, crumping along with a chorus line of gingerbread men.
Sappy lovesong ‘Just Like The Movies’ is a highlight (who’d have thought a ballad could trump ‘I Kissed A Girl’?), as is the nifty quick-change routine during ‘Hot ‘N’ Cold’, which echoes the line “You change your mind like a girl changes clothes”. Perry’s certainly not the most comfortable of dancers, even when she’s not wearing a skirt made entirely of cupcakes, but a solid vocal makes up for any foot fumbles. Even the obligatory acoustic medley is fun – audience members pelt Perry with euros to fire up the jukebox (her cleavage, obviously) and away she goes with charming covers of Willow Smith’s ‘Whip My Hair’ and Lady Gaga’s ‘Born This Way’.
While the production on the California Dreams tour can’t hold a swizzle-stick to Kylie’s, Rihanna’s or Gaga’s, the bewitching plot, much like our hostess, is a perfect balance of cute and sexy (you’ll be glad to know that Katy gets her man, and her cat, in the end.)
This is your kind of show if you enjoy the idea of Katy Perry firing things at your head for an hour and a half (candy, beach balls, confetti… the works), if you enjoy sleazing on one of the hottest women on the planet (little known fact: horny men attend Katy Perry shows in groups, muttering hilarious epigrams like “I’ll give you something to suck on, love,” whenever she takes a bite of a piece of prop candy) or if you frequently belt out ‘California Gurls’ and ‘Firework’ in your car. All in all, well worth the attendant sugar rush.