I Done A Album

As a rule, music reviewers love it when there are lots of things to talk about on a record. Whether it pays off or not, a bizarre lyric, wacky instrument or zany sample is always welcome. Grammatically incorrect title notwithstanding, Beardyman’s I Done A Album is manna from heaven. Across 20 tracks, there are impressions, baby talk, recreated TV segments, farcical dialogue and violent enactments of celebrity deaths. Shoot, this review is going to write itself.
I Done A Album kicks off with the whine of a young boy calling out for his Mummy, and not in a cute way, neither. Is this the same disturbing tike from the cover art, I wonder? The pyjama-clad toddler loitering around a loo and grinning creepily? Or maybe it’s the culprit from ‘Gonna Be Sick’, a song (and I use that word loosely) that layers a spot-on Dizzee Rascal impression over the sound of some very intense bodily functions?
Think that’s messed-up? ‘If Only’ is an aural dramatisation of Justin Bieber being torn apart by wild dogs, and the ominous drips on ‘This Turbulent Priest’ are introduced as “Simon Cowell lying in a pool of his own blood.”
What’s really worrying is that since recording I Done A Album, Beardyman, AKA Darren Foreman, has said he regrets not making his debut “really weird”. One can only assume the follow-up will be the LP version of the videotape from The Ring.
It’s true that I Done A Album sort of hopscotches around the line between music and novelty, but when Foreman’s in character, you really can’t fault him. His David Attenborough impersonation on ‘Twist Your Ankal’ is seamless, while ‘Big Man’ sees him in full-on Mike Skinner mode, bragging about his back alley antics and hustling for cigarettes.
Bear in mind that there’s actual music on here too. ‘U R Mine’ is an instantly penetrating house anthem, ‘Vampire Skank’ is based around a jaunty Soviet polka, and ‘Smell The Vibe’ is a slicker than slick hip hop joint in the vein of A Tribe Called Quest. Elsewhere, there’s African rhythms, scuzzy slow jams and Faithless-brand dance hooks.
For all its fucked-up whimsy, the most remarkable thing about I Done A Album is that Foreman made every single hoot and honk on it himself (aside from the rapping on ‘Oh!’, which comes courtesy of grime crew Foreign Beggars.) As anyone who’s seen him perform will testify, his vocal diversity is staggering. You rarely feel like you’re listening to a beatboxer – he mimics countless instruments across a dozen genres, and pulls off every single one. Whether this makes for an enjoyable body of work, is another matter entirely.
So, how do you explain the work of a mad genius? With the work of a madder genius, of course! If you appreciated the playful brilliance of Chris Rock’s vulgar monologue on Kanye’s My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, you might want to give I Done A Album a go. It’s not only right up your street, it’s probably right down your back alley, too.