Forever

“So, who’s your favourite Spice girl, then?”

In breaking the first Motown rule of thumb, that of uniformity, the Spice Girls rewrote both the method books and the record books. The girls’ five-fold ‘individuality’, manufactured though it was, garnered instant recognition and spawned countless magazine covers.

To date, they have sold 35 million albums and 25 million singles. They’ve starred in their own film and launched their own solo careers. Their pseudonyms are probably the most recognisable in pop history.

Longevity, though, is based around more than looks. The secret of the Spice Girls’ success was smart-pop: catchy, immediate and instantly identifiable. It was the three minutes that stuck to your brain like super-glue and made everyone from the postman to the barman groove in double time. It was ‘Wannabe’ and singles of similar standing.

With their third album, Forever, the Spice Girls elect to alter this aural landscape. The sassy, savvy, girl-powered sound has gone, to be replaced by slow rhythms, syncopated beats and plush, grown-up harmonies. They would like, it appears, to be taken seriously now.

Songs such as ‘Wasting My Time’, ‘Weekend Love’ and ‘Time Goes By’ are anodyne, glitter-free and typical of the group’s new direction. Over the course of eleven tunes, a disembodied rapper will chant “Spice Girls” as if to confirm their new-found credibility. But with lyrics still tailor-made for eight-year-olds, this hardly convinces.

There are moments when the pace quickens slightly. ‘Tell Me Why’ has potential as a future single, as does ‘Get Down With Me’. Unfortunately, even on the faster tracks the girls sound more polished than enthusiastic – as though they would prefer to sip champagne than dance on tables.

The Spice Girls are trying to climb the mountain of grown-up cool. But they’ve still got their platforms strapped on.

Disappointing.