Footprints

Although we should never judge a book by its cover, it’s pretty hard to get past the image that Holly Valance is putting out. Cleary of the school of thought that the GQ photo shoot is just as important – OK, more important – than the EQ on the sound desk, Valance has gone down the path of posing while wearing as few clothes as possible in as many places as possible.

You can’t deny that it’s worked, with ‘Kiss Kiss’ rocketing to the top of the charts. As far as cover versions go, it was a nice little idea, taking an obscure Turkish pop tune and reworking it for the masses. Such a good, original idea in fact, that Valance has chosen to repeat it throughout her debut album. The two tracks that follow ‘Kiss Kiss’ (including the ludicrous ‘Down Boy’) are virtually carbon copies, except nowhere near as good. Things perk up a little with the melodic ‘City Ain’t Big Enough’ but sadly that’s as good as it gets, the album offering little more than a jumbled mess of R’n’B beats and rubbish sexual innuendo – sample titles ‘Tuck Your Shirt In’, ‘Harder They Come’, ‘Connect’ and, wait for it, ‘Naughty Girl’.

Yet, for all her puffing and panting, Footprints is about as sexy as a wet Wednesday night in Athlone. Awful.