12 Step Planet: New York

How do I get there?
Aer Lingus operate daily flights from Dublin and Shannon to New York (JFK). From JFK or Newark the AirTrain, for $7 and $11 respectively, connects you to a subway train to Manhattan or you can grab a shuttle bus for about $15 (a better option for those who travel heavy). From LaGuardia you can get the M60 bus for $2 to 125th Street or again, a shuttle bus for $10. Those on an extremely tight schedule might want to consider US Helicopter, who can fly you to midtown in 9 minutes for $139.
When should I go?
New York is the city that never sleeps so there’s really never a bad time to visit. It freezes in the winter and broils in the summer so delicate types may want to avoid January and August but other than that you had better stick out the extremes: a true New Yorker crawls the streets in all temperatures.
What are the touristy things to do?
As a rule, there are two ways to see New York City, as a tourist or as a native. Preferably, make the time to do both. As a tourist, you’ll need to tick off Times Square, the Statue of Liberty, Ground Zero and at least one Broadway musical.
Anything else?
For a local’s day off, pay a visit to the wonderful Museum of Modern Art in the morning, take your lunch to Central Park and go to a Yankees baseball game in the afternoon. New Yorkers see New York too, you know.
What about eating?
Don’t leave the Big One without trying a New York Bagel (Absolute Bagels at Broadway and 107th), a New York Pastrami Sandwich (Katz’s Deli at Houston and Ludlow), a slice of New York Pizza (Joe’s, 7 Carmine St between Bleecker St and Sixth Ave), a slice of New York Cheesecake (Junior’s or Lindy’s, various locations) or a New York Hot Dog (anywhere... get one with everything and thank me later).
Opinion invariably divides over whether you should patronise the infamous street vendor carts but if you ask me, it’s a cheap and easy snack and I can’t remember the last person who died from one of their pretzels. If you’re still on the fence, every year the Vendy awards go to the trouble of separating the street chefs from the street walkers so check out www.streetvendor.org/vendys for some trustworthy cheap eats or pay a visit to my favourite Vendy, Freddy Zeidaies (see Recommended).
What should I avoid?
Tourists. I know you are one, but a big group of you really does make for a stressful and sweaty holiday experience. The major sights in NY are essentials, but the sooner you get them over with, the sooner you never have to go anywhere near them again. If you’ve only got a few days in the Big Round Shiny Thing, try swapping the Empire State for the top of the Rockefeller Centre and Ellis for Staten Island.
Where can I stay?
Manhattan is one of the most expensive places in the world to lay your head, with many hotels currently charging by the hour! Expect to pay at least $50 for a hostel, $100-$200 for a budget hotel room and $250-$350 for a mid-range hotel. Be warned that room rates are typically quoted without taxes so expect a nasty smudge on your bill at the end of your stay. I’ve picked out a few decently priced flophouses (see Recommended) but if you want some really good advice, fork out on this occasion, make buddies with someone with a gaff on Park Avenue and crash with them next time.
How much to get tanked?
Not too much. At time of printing, a euro will get you just under a dollar fifty, meaning the hooch rarely exceeds Dublin prices. Even in a swanky uptown joint, $10 will buy you a colossal glass of wine and half a meal’s worth of free cheese and crackers.
If I’m honest, I can’t possibly tell you where the party’s at in this city, as the bar scene changes with the traffic lights. Pick up a copy of Time Out New York on arrival instead. For those on a budget, nyc.myopenbar.com is an indispensable guide to drinks promotions and free bars around the city, including sneaky tip-offs on art shows and launch parties, complete with RSVP addresses to help you blag your way in. Top marks if you convince the lady on the door that you’re the food critic for The New Yorker.
Oh, and for the love of scotch, don’t forget your ID when you leave the hotel...they ask everyone. Yes even you, Sir.
What should I bring home?
A few pieces of cheap tack for kicks (a Statue of Liberty hat and an ‘I Heart NY’ oven-mitt caught my eye), something pretty from high street treasure Forever 21 and something prettier from Chinatown (a remarkably convincing designer knock off for your Mam, a Chinaman hat and pipe for your Dad).
Why should I go?
Men on the subway will try to convert you to unitarianism, the bloke who sells you your cigs will tell you you look like a young Brigitte Bardot, and cabbie banter in Brooklyn is second to none. There’s a reason so many of our favourite rock stars have packed up their lives and landed on New York’s doorstep; it really is a very special place. Furthermore, most of Manhattan is laid out in a perfect grid. If you have a map, it’s a cinch to find your way around.
Why should I not go?
If you’re over 18 but under 21. Nothing worse than being refused a pint after three years of swanning casually down the local. Equally, think again if you’re looking for a relaxing break away from the smoke, mirrors and public urination of a big city or if you fancy youself as part of some romantic MGM adventure. It worked for Meg Ryan, but look what happened to poor Deborah Kerr.
Where do all the superheroes live?
Spiderman: the Bronx. Fantastic Four: The Baxter Building at 42nd and Madison. Doctor Strange: Greenwich Village. Daredevil: Hell’s Kitchen.
What’s my challenge?
For just one person to mistake you for a New Yorker. For best results walk fast, talk fast, eat fast and never, ever unfix your gaze from your Blackberry.