12 Step Planet: Melbourne

Where exactly is it?
Melbourne is capital of the Australian state of Victoria and the country’s second largest city, with four million inhabitants. It’s a coastal city, positioned at the opening of the Yarra river and located on Port Philipp Bay. Melbourne is in south-eastern Australia, with Tasmania situated 450km off its southern coast.

How do I get there?
Melbourne is serviced by regular, year-round flights from London. Both Qantas and British Airways run a daily schedule to the Victorian capital. However, it’s a monster of a flight, over 22 hours direct, with most people opting to break the trip in Southeast Asia.

What language do they speak?
The majority language is of course English, but a sizeable immigrant population ensures that many exotic tongues can be heard on its city streets. In fact, the 2006 census revealed that 36% of Melbourne’s citizens were born overseas, with the city actually home to the world’s third largest Greek speaking population after Athens and Thessaloniki! The municipality also houses sizeable Italian, Chinese, Vietnamese, Sri Lankan, Indian and Malaysian communities, with native languages remaining a strong part of each ethnic identity.

What is the local beer like?
Take yer pick. There’s always plenty of choice in Victoria! Due to the sunny climate lager (not ale) is served ice cold, either on draught or in small 375ml bottles known affectionately as ‘stubbies’ The undoubted ‘king of beers’ in Melbourne and, indeed all of Australia, is VB (Victoria Bitter). VB outsells its nearest rival 2 to 1. Other brands native to Victoria include Carlton Draught and Melbourne Bitter. Despite rumours, Fosters doesn’t really exist as a beer in Oz and a request for one is likely to lead to laughter!

Other drinks?
Australians in general have a soft for ‘Bundy’ or Bundaberg rum, a sweet, molasses-distilled rum from Queensland. As well as straight, Bundaberg is also sold in pre-mixed cans with ‘Bundy ‘n Coke’ the undoubted blend of choice. Australia is a world renowned wine producing nation and Melbourne’s Victoria hinterland is no different. There are in excess of 600 wineries in the state, with Shiraz and Chardonnay the most commonly produced varieties.

What is the transport like?
Overall, transport in Melbourne is impressive, with the city boasting an integrated bus, tram and train system. The hub of Melbourne’s train network is the iconic Flinders Street Station, which, like much of the state’s rail network, can be traced back to the gold rush of the 1850s. Melbourne’s tram network is the largest in the world, criss-crossing the city extensively. The central line, which completes a loop of the historic old city, is free to all passengers and the trams operated have a vintage look.

What’s the food like?
For fans of all things culinary, Melbourne is quite an experience. Its large ethnic population ensures that almost anything your heart desires is catered for. From seafood specialists, to authentic Thai, Vietnamese – it’s all here. The docklands area is especially popular amongst discerning diners with waterside eateries catering for everything under the sun. Mediterranean, Chinese and Japanese restaurants abound. For something a little more traditional, head to any of the city’s celebrated steakhouses based in the CBD (Central Business District). On weekends the seaside district of St. Kilda, which boasts a thriving cafe culture, is a popular destination, while the city food markets, in particular the Queen Victoria Market, stock speciality foods from every corner of the globe. The diversity of cuisine on offer is simply breathtaking.

What’s the nightlife like?
Melbourne is undoubtedly the most European of Australian cities and its nightlife is no different. Unlike Sydney, which caters more for the beautiful people with exclusive clubs and swish bars, Melbourne has something for just about every sub-culture. The city’s thriving music scene ensures that you’re never too far from a raging punk gig or some ‘80s disco. The city centre, Docklands and Southbank districts offer a wide variety of pubs/clubs catering to all tastes. As a recommendation, check out the Ding Dong Lounge in Chinatown, a sister venue to the New York hostelry of the same name. Ding Dong’s is the home of Melbourne’s serious rockers, showcasing everything from old-time to garage. If you’re feeling a little silly, then head to the iconic Crown Casino, situated on the banks of the Yarra river. This vast casino/entertainment complex is the biggest in the southern hemisphere, with multiple nightclubs and, for those who like a flutter, more blackjack, roulette, craps and poker rooms than you can shake a stick at!

Why should I go?
Melbourne is one of the globe’s great melting pots and consistently tops the list of the world’s most liveable cities. The diverse population has resulted in a great deal of cultural variety. A coastal metropolis it has easy access to fantastic beaches, while the beautiful and historic Victorian countryside is only minutes away by road. It is a renowned centre for art, education and sport, home to the Australian film industry, multiple film festivals and of course, birthplace of ‘footy’ or, as it’s also known, Australian Rules Football. For connoisseurs of the good life there are multiple galleries, a symphony orchestra, ballet and opera. Alongside Berlin and NYC, Melbourne is renowned for its street art, with many lanes and alleyways ornately decorated. Despite its reputation for having ‘four seasons in one day’, celebrated in song by Crowded House, Melbourne boasts a welcoming climate, with hot southern summers and changeable winters.

What are the touristy things to do?
There’s much for the keen sightseer to absorb. First off, jump on the free Central Line tram, which passes by many of the old city’s chief tourist attractions. For a glimpse into the city’s Asian life, check out sprawling Chinatown and from there stroll to the modernist meeting point of Federation Square, choc-full of museums and galleries. For a trip back in time to old England head to the Fitzroy Gardens, home to Cook’s Cottage, birthplace of the captain himself and shipped brick-by-brick from Yorkshire in 1934! Visit Old Melbourne Gaol, one of the many fine period structures in the city and the scene of Ned Kelly’s hanging in 1880. Sports lovers are well catered for and few stadiums match the majesty of the world famous Melbourne Cricket Ground (MCG). This gigantic cauldron was home to the 1956 Olympics and boasts a capacity toppling 100,000! For fans of thoroughbred horseracing, the first Tuesday in November is a sacred date. The Melbourne Cup, dubbed ‘the race that stops a nation’ takes place annually at Flemington racecourse.

Anything else?
For a fascinating insight into Melbourne’s often turbulent social history, head to the Immigration Museum on Flinders Street. This beautifully ornate nineteenth century building tells, in great detail, first-hand accounts of immigrant journeys to Victoria. It details the greatly differing experience of both early middle-class British settlers and also Irish convicts deported overseas for committing often petty crimes. Australian colonial history is a fascinating way of gaining a better understanding of the nation’s social fabric.

Anything to avoid?
Port Melbourne has recently undergone an extensive renovation programme and once decrepit neighbourhoods are now home to upmarket apartment blocks and cafés. Dining in the Station Pier area, while reasonably attractive, will burn a serious hole in your pocket. For better food, at far more competitive prices, go literally anywhere else!

What should I bring home?
First off, stay well clear of the embarrassingly inauthentic aboriginal handicrafts. For a country with a very questionable attitude towards its native population, it doesn’t half mind trading on their cultural heritage. For guys, a garish Aussie Rules jersey would make a fun gift or possibly a ‘stubbie’ holder, ideal for keeping your beverage cool on those hot Irish summer nights!

When should I go?
To escape the searing heat avoid the summer months of December to February. A Victorian spring, running September to October, is the perfect time for a trip to this neck of the woods.

What’s my challenge?
Sample the bustling, yet laidback charm of this great city. Spoil yourself with great food and local award-winning wines. Immerse yourself in the rich social history of a city that developed from a colonial outpost to a centre of global multiculturalism. Experience the regions love of sport by checking out a local footy match or even a spot of cricket, which Aussie’s turn into a day-long party!

What’s the currency?
The Australian Dollar.

Something to remember...
During the Gold Rush period of the 1850s, Melbourne was believed to be the world’s wealthiest city. In just over ten years the entire country’s population trebled, with tens of thousands housed in temporary accommodation by the Yarra river. It was a time of huge upheaval in Victorian society, with great wealth existing side by side with immigrant poverty. This marginalisation of immigrant landholders, many of Irish descent, led to the birth of bushrangers or highwaymen. The exploits of one Ned Kelly became the stuff of legend, and his story is an important touchstone on Australia’s often rocky road from colonial outpost to modern nation.