We’d hate you to think we’re a bunch of sick deviant pervs, but Caught In The Net is rather taken with a new product that was unveiled at the latest Fetish Retinue in New York.
Retailing for an extremely reasonable $800, the vacuum powered Sucky Bed “sucks every inch of your helpless body while you breathe through a tube. Add a little lube for a new sensation. Comes with a canvas carrying bag and a lifetime guarantee.”
We’re not entirely sure that it qualifies for one of those little BSA safety kites but, hey, you’ve got to throw caution to the wind sometimes. Order yours from www.baroness.com/latexrubber/bizarre/suckybed.htm
Staying with safety matters for a moment, and the paranoid compulsives among you might like to know that there’s a 1 in 10,948 chance of you dying from accidental suffocation and strangulation in bed. Some of the other death odds that can be perused at www.nsc.org/lrs/stainfo/odds.htm are:
Foreign body entering through skin or natural orifice 99,446/1
Bitten or crushed by reptiles 115,486/1
Contact with hot tap-water 65,092/1
In other words, if you sleep in the bath with a wrench-wielding iguana, you’re fucked.
One of the most fascinating sites we’ve come across in an aeon is Belle De Jour: The Diary Of A London Prostitute.
“Yes, I really am a call girl,” says the lady in question. “A bored journalist could probably fake this blog but I’m not that clever! My experience in the business has been more good than bad. I don’t think it’s for everyone but then again neither is engineering.
“My ideal man is Alan Davies and when not profiteering from my assets, I spend a lot of time reading and especially enjoy Jonathan Coe, Jeffrey Eugenides and Rick Moody.” Keep upto date at www.belledejour-uk.blogspot.com
Which just leaves time for quick visits to www.rocklube.com (Rock ’n’ Roll Nipple Cream, anyone?); www.pushposters.co.uk (to t-shirts); www.staleurine.com (experimental industrial/zydeco fusion, anyone?); and www.zefrank.com/cause (Oriental soft porn weirdness. On a grand scale!)