Oh dear lord save me. It’s in my ears!! It’s EVERYWHERE!!!!

The charge: they look like the Backstreet Boys, they’re huge on TRL and they sound like a pre-pubescent Nickelback. This is not your worst nightmare. This, my friends, is The Calling.

Hot on the heels of ridiculously bland “college rock” travesties such as Matchbox Twenty, Train and Creed, this LA fivesome are the gits responsible for ‘Wherever You Will Go’, that hideous middle of the road three-minute torment that certain music channels insist on spinning twice an hour.

The proof: you know you’ve got a boring, predictable, samey record when you find yourself humming the melody of a song the first time you hear it. Standard chord progressions abound throughout, and the lyrical content spans the vast emotional terrain of a) She loves me and everything’s great and b) She doesn’t love me and everything sucks. Original, eh? And finally, just for good measure, a couple of dodgy guitar solos that noodle around three or four notes for a minute or so before meandering into oblivion.

The verdict: Camino Palmero is a mild, meak, pathetic excuse for a record that goes nowhere, says nothing and charges you twenty euro for the pleasure. Guilty? Oh hell yes.