“I dunno... oh, no, no!”
So says Jess*, a pretty brunette of about 18 years old. I’ve done the “hello, how are you” bit and have asked Jess and her friend Maura if I can ask their opinions about sex. They burst into giggles and run off.
Jess and Maura are the third set of teenage girls I’ve approached and the third to scurry away. A mother with two young children sitting in the food court is beginning to eye me with suspicion. Oh dear…
Getting teenagers to talk about their sexual habits hasn’t been easy. I’ve spent the day stalking them and frankly, I’m beginning to feel like a bit of a pervert – checking them out from a distance, trying to gauge how old they are and, like a predator, waiting until one or two move away from the herd so I can go in for the kill with my questions.
Outside I meet Robbie, Micheál and Mark. They are slouched against the wall, smoking cigarettes. Much amusement ensues when Mark recognises me from this fine publication. When I ask if I can pick their brains, he wants to know if I’m offering my services and expertise in return. Er… no.
The lads agree to talk to me. Mark and Robbie will be heading into their second year of college, Michéal into his third. Are they telling me the truth? I don't know...
Michéal says he lost his virginity at 16, it was no big deal and getting sex is easier in college than in school. “My rule,” he says, “is I don’t shag the girls in my year. I did in first year. It was…” He trails off. “…a bit embarrassing. We were both drunk and afterwards… It’s just as easy to meet girls in the pub.”
Does he carry condoms?
“Yeah, mostly. But if I don’t have any, a blowjob is good. Ha, ha, ha I don’t mind.”
“Don’t listen to him,” says Mark. “He’s talking shite. Look at him! No fuckin’ way any girl would touch him.”
Micheál punches him in the arm and the two of them have a mock tussle in front of the Dundrum shopping centre. Suddenly I feel very old. Surely the boys I knew were more adult than this?
“I always have condoms,” says Mark, pulling out his wallet to show me a single condom tucked into the back.
“That’s because you never use it,” counters Micheál. “He’s had that since the Junior Cert.”
Robbie, the quiet one of the group, lights another cigarette while the other two resume their baby brawl.
“I do use them, but then last week… I was at a party and there was this girl and I didn’t have any… She didn’t say anything…”
So you went ahead anyway?
“I’m 19,” he points out.
Robbie’s behaviour isn’t unusual. After the posse moved on, to God knows what, I met Kevin who told me he used condoms when he had them, but was willing to take his chances if he didn’t. It happened recently...
“She wanted to,” he points out. “And so did I. But I did took it out before I came, if that’s what you’re wondering.”
I didn’t know what to do. Lecture him? Explain the dangers of contracting an STD? Tell him that withdrawing was no guarantee that a girl wouldn’t conceive? He must know that!
One of the major issues facing sex educators and campaigners is how to change young people’s attitude to risky sexual behaviour. Every year most campuses hold SHAG (Sexual Health Awareness and Guidance) weeks to promote safe sex, but awareness of safe sex does not always translate into practise.
A 2006 study into Irish students’ sex lives found that more than a third of students did not use a condom the last time they had sex and that just under half always use condoms. Over 60 percent of Irish students have had casual sex and 81.4 percent knew about the dangers of sexually transmitted infections.
So can I say this to mark the beginning of the Academic Year? There’s a lot of students who need to learn about life before they worry about the books! Safe sex is important. Using a condom when you have penetrative sex is an essential element in ensuring that what you do IS safe.
Inevitably, alcohol plays a big role in people taking unnecessary risks. The same survey found that 46 percent of Irish students used alcohol to relax before having sex; 47 percent had been drinking before they lost their virginity.
Gerry, a post-graduate student, has a good line in tales of drunken debauchery and romances that began over cans of cheap beer in Trinity’s Pavilion bar and which were consummated on the cricket grounds. Half the time, he tells me, he couldn’t even remember whether or not he’d actually had sex with a girl, let alone used a condom.
“I went to the clinic at James’ and I couldn’t believe it when they told me I didn’t have anything. I wanted them to test me again.”
I want to give Gerry a good shaking! He is an otherwise intelligent guy – but what the hell is that all about, suggesting that ‘stupid’ sex might be a badge of honour? Personally I can’t see the fun in being so drunk that I can’t remember what I’ve been up to, but I suspect if teenagers are getting drunk before having sex, they’re copying adult behaviour. Surveys tell us that 58 percent of Irish adults engage in unprotected sex each year.
Later that day outside the Central Bank I meet Toni and Fiona. They are both 18 and sick of media reports that students do nothing but have random drunken sex with anyone, anywhere. Or so they tell me. I like them straight away.
“You know what I hate? Being treated like we’re all stupid kids. Yes, I have sex, but I’m old enough and I’m responsible,” says Fiona. “People write that because it’s just another way of putting young people down.”
Both girls think it’s important to take responsibility for their own sexual health. Fiona has a boyfriend. She’s on the pill, but they use condoms as well. It’s not that she doesn’t trust her boyfriend, she tells me, but she thinks it’s safer. “Anyone can make a mistake, or I might forget to take the pill.”
Toni carries a condom in her handbag, but she doesn’t really have casual sex. “I keep it in case someone else might need one.”
Toni and Fiona are the other side of the statistical story – the teens who do use condoms and whose sexual behaviour is responsible and adult. Clearly, it is the way to go – but to enable people to get to this level of self-confidence we have to ensure that all young people, students or not, have access to confidential sexual health services and subsidised contraception.
“Everyone treats us as if we’re idiots," says Toni. “We’re not. I think a lot of it is just jealousy. We’ve got the time and the opportunity to do things that someone who is tied down with mortgages and kids will never be free to do again. They say these are the best days of your life. Well, I’m going to enjoy them.”
She’s right, mostly. I doubt your student years are really the best days of your life, but the fact that you enjoy a lot of freedom means that they come pretty close. Have a great year.
*All names have been changed.