It’s not often that Caught In The Net gets profound, but we feel very strongly that the upcoming World Cup should be used to foster goodwill between the peoples of this country and Japan (and hopefully Korea, if we make it).

That said, there will be Sake-fuelled occasions when you want to abuse the locals.

It’s with this in mind that we direct you to www.temarikai.com/speakjapanese.htm

Along with the normal boring stuff – “hello”, “how are you?”, “what a nice samurai sword you have” – there’s a handy lexicon of swear words.

The choicest include:

Ano tii bii esu, jibun no koto nan da to omotte’m darou – Who does that ugly troll think she is?

Hanashi kakenaide yo! Kono daburu etchi – Don’t talk to me you pervert

Nan da kono debu – Get a load of fatso

Wagaoua no, shinuru toki ni mo, he o kokite – Even as my father lay dying, I farted

Oi! Korokke! Dok’kara kitan da yo! – Get away from me you hick

There’s also a glossary of medical terms which will come in useful when, having been left for dead in the street by an irate Oriental, you’re rushed to casualty.

As well as being the least corrupt sporting body in the world, FIFA have a brilliant .com website which carries daily updates on all the big footballing stories, and interviews with everybody from Luis Figo to the rather dodgy looking bloke who’s in charge of the Ecuadorian team.

Thank God mullets aren’t a cardable offence, or there wouldn’t be any point in the Argentine team leaving Buenos Aires. There’s muchas follicly-inspired fun – and some hot footy action – to be had at www.isfa.com/server/web/seleccionargentina

While obviously no one would like to see them

trouncing England 3-0, Nigeria’s wonderfully flamboyant visit to Dublin last week (fans and team) means that they’ve been adopted as many people’s “other” team. www.supereagles.com tells you everything you could possibly want to know about the other Boys In Green, including the fact that goalkeeper started his career at Stationary Stores FC.

Whilst acknowledging that all philatelists smell and have no friends, CIN rather likes the South Korean 100, 130 and 170 yon commemoratives that can be viewed along with old World Cup stamps at www.linns.com. It’s a matter of personal taste, obviously, but we’d much rather lick Julius Aghahowa than Roy Keane.

Finally, if you’re itching to get your hands on a sleeveless Cameroon away strip, these and other top shirts are to be had at www.kitbag.com