Approach the throne. Slowly. Because you, lowly internet user, find yourself in the presence of Lemmy out of Motorhead. The godfather of metal. The man kicked out of Hawkwind for being too (in the Eamon Dunphy sense) tired and emotional. The bloke who would have been Jimi Hendrix’ bassist, if he had lived. Who was big mates with Dee Dee Ramone. Who wrote the theme tune to horrormaster Clive Barker’s Hellraiser 3. Who uses Viagra the way most people use vitamin C. Who has loads of lovely friends along Los Angeles’ cheap-girlfriend-tastic Sunset Strip. Who is rumoured (in an unrelated piece of gossip) to have deflowered the entire female contingent of the singing Nolan family. Oh - and we’re not sure how such a thing is measured, but, who is also merely the lead singer and bassist of what is "officially" the loudest band on earth.

You’ll have some questions for him so.

Just send your enquiries to [email protected] (and we haven’t even mentioned the umlaut in his band name or the entire fiddle-playing, Kit Kat-eating, taking-a-break thing off the telly) and we’ll pass them along when we meet the great man this Wednesday (10 June). As the man said: ace.