The Bland Leading The Bland?

Ireland may still be in with a shout for World Cup qualification. But the turgid standard of recent performances leaves a great deal to be desired

Craig Fitzsimons, 22 Sep 2009

The unbeaten run continues. Somehow.

Within the last year, Ireland have become an unbeatable force (go on, have a look at the table), while frequently serving up some of the most unsightly, turgid football ever to disfigure the earth.

Which I suppose is preferable to conjuring up dazzling exhibitions of sexy football and not seeing due reward on the scoreboard. Seven grim single-goal victories next summer will do just fine.

But sweet suffering Jesus, the Cyprus game was a truly grisly ordeal, which fell a few notches short of embodying Pele’s vision of ‘the beautiful game’.

The entire purpose of the trip was to exorcise the ghosts of our last visit, and for long periods, it was as enjoyable as an exorcism, or an appointment with a sadistic three-year-old trainee dentist.

The Republic have eked out some away wins against the pygmy nations down the years that haven’t been ugly so much as hideously deformed (Iceland ‘97 and Malta ‘99 leap to mind) and this one was of the same ilk.

It has become abundantly clear at this stage that Ireland react very badly to going 1-0 ahead, and blossom beautifully when the reverse happens. It’s mystifying, and cannot be blamed entirely on Trap’s innate Italian caution, since the trait was already well established under the McCarthy, Kerr and Staunton regimes.

Looked at from a logical standpoint, scoring an early goal in a football match is theoretically supposed to be a good thing. The idea is that it gives you a crucial arithmetical advantage on the scoreboard, which should in turn encourage a willingness to apply greater attacking freedom to the cause. As opposed to which, our lads tend to take it as the cue to clam up and retreat into a shell of passivity.

As offensive and obscene as I find Stephen Ireland’s attitude towards national service, I must confess that by now, I’d sacrifice a finger to get him back on board. We currently have a great big gaping black hole where our central midfield should be, and the prospect of going to a World Cup in that state is, in many ways, even scarier the thought of not qualifying in the first place.

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