He went into considerable detail, the gist of which was this:
First of all there has to be a fairly clear-cut assessment of the band and their material. Can they handle what they re trying to do, do they gel as a musical unit and is the material up to scratch for the market they might be aiming at?
What kind of attitude do they have? They might be a bit bolshie sometimes that s ok if it helps drive the band along towards their chosen goals, but it can be a serious impediment at other times.
Given the importance of image to the post-MTV generation, consideration has to be given to what they look like. Do they look as if they belong in the same band? If necessary, might they be receptive to a little tarting up and some advice from the company s charm school ? Are they ambitious realists or casual fantasists?
Management is another key area. Unfortunately, a record company representative could be in hot legal water were he to suggest to a band that he might sign them if they had a better manager. It could be construed that he was merely trying to rid them of a manager who would drive a hard bargain. So while the manager s qualities are always likely to be a major issue, a lot must remain unsaid during the checking-out period, although a smart band should watch for, and be able to pick up, the signs.
Another item on the check-list is whether all of the band are really up for it or whether some need to be replaced, whether for musical reasons or otherwise. What if the drummer doesn t really want to leave her secure job in double-glazing to go playing toilets in Eastern Europe, or the bassist wants to see his wife through her latest pregnancy? These understandable human dilemmas may, sadly, thwart the most attractive deal.
Of course before he s gone too far into any discussion the A&R man will have to consider some practicalities from his company s perspective too. Do they really need another band in this musical genre if they already have a half dozen which they can t sell anyway? Have they enough confidence in both the band and their own skills to sell the band to the media and the public?
In the end, while it may come down to a percentage in the contracts when his people get together with the band s people, it s a difficult minefield to tread. After all, the A&R man is attempting the impossible, trying to guess what you and I might want to buy in 9/12 months time when we don t even know what we ll buy tomorrow. Tough call, eh?
What our esteemed A&R man might make of the Hoi Polloi s new demo I can only surmise. The accompanying press release tells me that they are a band of serious musos who can play virtually any style of music . And the demo proves this without question, from the opening stadium rocker of Dog Drill followed by the Boyzone-ish weepathon Cry On My Shoulder and then it s off on a pseudo-punk blitz with No Surrender and so on, all pastiches of the styles they emulate.
All of this is well and good from a purely musical viewpoint, but in an era of niche marketing I can t see it working. Not a huge number of people are multi-genre fans. Most have specific areas of music they enthuse about, and I ve never known a band to make it who started out doing the proverbial bit of everything.
There s no such confusion with Pete Leonard and his Leonardskins from Manchester. They play unrelenting heavy rock fitting into three tracks every known clichi the genre has ever produced. I can see them from here, the bass player standing facing his stack of amps, the twin guitarists leaning back to back, the drummer twirling his sticks above his head and the lead vocalist looking at himself in the mirror while his personal roadie checks his shampoo stocks. We will have none of that sort of thing round here.
Bungalow (great name, don t you think?) from Antrim are ploughing a furrow not a million miles away from Radiohead. Bill The Hook has echoes of Karma Police , Join is lyrically adjacent to Creep with a jollier chorus and Will They, Won t They is a lengthy noodlethon that could do with a little editing. But at least Bungalow are out there searching to do something new and they should stay on that road. Their demo could do with a better production to keep pace with current standards, and more time in rehearsal would iron out the ragged edges, but they are at least creating something interesting and exploratory rather than playing the formula game. The world needs more of that.

THIS FORTNIGHT S LESSON: Are you sure all the members of your own band really want to go the full distance?