I know that this is a sex column and that you probably want to read about blow jobs, and read about them RIGHT NOW. Don’t worry, I understand the feeling! But now and then we need to think about the wider context in which blow jobs – quick ones, long ones, messy ones and especially very, very good ones – occur.
In March this year, an interesting thing happened. The Dail accepted a proposal by Minister Michael McDowell to examine how a civil partnership registry would work in Ireland. Bertie Ahern and McDowell are said to favour reforms and if they become law, all domestic partnerships, including gay ones, should gain rights and recognition from the state.
It may not seem like much, and there are those who believe that the reforms don’t go far enough, but if the civil partnership registry is set up, it’s impact may be far greater than the sum of the proposed changes. Think about it. This will be the very first time in the history of the Irish state that official recognition will be given to relationships not consecrated by the supposedly holy state of matrimony. It will also be the first official acceptance of gay relationships. One small step for a Taoiseach, one giant leap for the nation. It could turn out to be a very big deal indeed.
Might we, then, be entering a golden age of sexual freedom? Gone is the iron-fisted grip of the Catholic Church. Not all that long ago, no Irish government would have considered official recognition of gay or unmarried relationships for fear of upsetting the church. These days, even the government realises that church law means nothing to most of us.
At the time of writing, the church is considering allowing the use of condoms within marriage where one partner is HIV-positive. How compassionate – and thoroughly contradictory. No matter. If indeed they do, it’s a reluctant shuffle in the right direction, but the truth is, it won’t make a blind bit of difference to 99% of us. We’ve been ignoring the church’s anti-condom stance for years now.
Our parents may have had sex that wasn’t sanctified by the blessings of the church and state – certainly many of them did, but not with the ease and freedom we enjoy today. For some, religious guilt may have dampened their ardour, but for most it was the lack of access to contraception that was the most pressing issue. Back in the ‘60s and the ‘70s, unless you were lucky enough to get your hands on smuggled condoms, sexual pleasure would have been tempered by the very real fear of an unwanted pregnancy and all the complications that would entail.
The sexual revolution, here and in the West generally, came about for a number of reasons – loss of trust in the church and state, the concept of free love and the rise of feminism all played a part. But undoubtedly one of the most important factors was the pill. By giving women the means to enjoy sex without the threat of reproduction, oral contraception transformed all our attitudes towards sex.
Consider how things have changed. These days we accept sex outside marriage as the norm. Contraception is available to all over the age of consent. Condom machines in almost every pub and club across the country dispense those oh-so very necessary prophylactics to those who unexpectedly score. Should you have an accident or do something reckless, a trip to the doctor for the morning-after pill – while it isn’t to be taken lightly as a practice – can still ensure that pregnancy doesn’t ensue.
Medical advances have a very real effect on our sexuality. Without being blasé about it, the fact is that unwanted pregnancies can be terminated. Many sexually transmitted diseases can be cured or controlled. Viagra is available to help those with erectile problems. Even the fact that we live longer and healthier lives means that most of you reading this column now will be able to enjoy sex into your 80s. That gives a lot of people the prospect of up to 70 years fucking like goats in heat – which sounds good to me. In fact I think I’ll indulge in a bit of unplanned sex right now. The lovely man who has just come in with a cup of tea for me is looking very…desirable…indeed. Woah! Get a load of those Jaffa Cakes.
Now that’s a form of medicine that could become addictive!
But back to more mundane stuff. Talk of a breakthrough in male contraception could give us a potent new form of birth control. Some women are not able to take the pill, so having a partner who could, would be a blessing for many couples, almost certainly reducing the number of men electing to have vasectomies. Interestingly, if it did nothing else, male hormonal contraception would offer men the possibility of protection against being tricked into fathering a child. It happens, you know…
It is likely that the abortion pill, RU48 or an equivalent, will become widely available in the next few years. Such a pill would not only make abortion more easily available and cheaper, but such a method of termination could have real effect on the psychological implications of having an abortion. For many, taking an abortion pill will be treated with the same casualness as taking the morning-after pill, while others will find the lack of counselling services problematic.
Unless the current Irish abortion laws are reformed, it’s unlikely that such medication will be freely available here. However, the ability to source abortion pills over the Internet or from the UK would in effect make Ireland’s abortion laws meaningless.
I have written before that the government needs to make contraception cheaper and easier to obtain, especially for teens. Within the next ten years, while there will be resistance from the predictable quarters, the pressure to do this will grow.
Think about it. It is already possible to buy RU48 on the Internet. How safe or effective such pills are, I don’t know, but like fake Viagra pills, it’s likely that there are dangerous counterfeits being flogged by unscrupulous con artists. Sooner or later, these will work they way into the hands of a desperate Irish teen, potentially with fatal results. Although it may take a tragedy, in such a situation, the government is likely to find it difficult to resist the argument that prevention is better than cure. The logical response would be to make contraception available to all teenagers, even without parental consent.
So how else will things change? Well, it’s likely that, as more people choose to make Ireland their home, our changing demographic make-up will affect our attitudes towards sex, in much the same way it has changed our attitude to food – we’re all much more willing to give the unknown a try.
The less we care about moral restrictions laid down by religion, the less we will equate sex with shame and guilt. Over the past ten years, we have been encouraged to sexually experiment as never before. If this trend continues, chances are that all sorts of sexual experiences, whether it’s cyber sex, bondage, group sex or just good old fashioned one-on-one sex, will be seen as merely different ways to experience pleasure.
In some ways, Ireland’s laws regarding sex work have relaxed significantly in the last few years. Lap dancing clubs and escort services are available all over the country. In the next few years, logic also suggests that prostitution should be legalised or at least decriminalised. Today’s gap year students spending a year in Australia or Europe, where prostitution is legal is many states, are tomorrow’s policy-makers, after all.
Although Irish action groups working with prostitutes would like to see the end of the world’s oldest profession, that’s a thoroughly unrealistic goal and the fact is that legalised prostitution would make it far easier to protect sex workers, help women trafficked into Ireland and control the spread of STDs.
In many ways, then, we are moving towards an ever more liberal society, one where sex and sexuality in all it’s myriad forms will not only be tolerated, but accepted and celebrated. But there are counter trends too, that cast a cloud over this utopian vision of a brilliantly sexually liberated society.
So, will sex in the future be freer, safer and more open than it is today? Well, there is a different kind of Puritanism on the move and it may just be gaining its own insidious kind of hold. Catch the final part of this series, The New Puritanism, in the next issue of Hot Press…