The week before I started my second year at university, I fell in lust. There I was, sitting on the bus, listening to my Walkman, minding my own business and quite possibly not thinking about sex, for a change, when outside on the street below, I saw a vision of male beauty walking by. The colour and texture of the world was suddenly and unexpectedly altered. Whoever he was, I had to make him mine.
Sometimes in life you get lucky. On the first day of classes, there he was standing outside the library, smoking a cigarette and looking far sexier than any man has the right to while wearing board shorts (we were in a hot climate!). The gods of lust must have been looking out for me that day, because he was standing with a gang of people I knew. Excellent! Not one to miss my chance, I went over and made nice. The vision, I learnt, was more commonly called Chris.
Chris was to change my sex life forever, but I couldn’t have known that on that fateful day. In my first year I’d had a metamorphosis. I had entered university a quiet and shy kind of girl, but twelve months later I was a committed party fiend, sworn to fun and loyal to none.
Until I met Chris, I was completely against the idea of a boyfriend. Commitment was my Kryptonite and I was determined to avoid it at all costs. But with Chris things were different. I fell in love for the first time – ah bless! – and I had met my sexual match. I was – and still am – endlessly curious about the pleasures of sex. Chris was the same. He was a sexual adventurer, willing to try anything and everything the two of us could think of.
A few months later, I discovered Chris’ major predilection – sex in unusual places. We went to an afternoon movie, and much to our delight, found ourselves alone in the theatre. As the trailers played, we entertained one another in the best way possible. After ten minutes or so of kissing, I was both incredibly horny and spectacularly uninterested in the film. Just as things were hotting up, somebody rudely interrupted us. Despite the abundance of empty seats, the miserable git plonked himself right next to us, completely cramping our style.
Determined to finish what we had started, Chris and I left in a hurry to find a quiet corner somewhere. Eventually, we found ourselves in the university staff parking lot. It was cool and dark, and the sex was very, very exciting.
From then on, the campus became our particular playground. There was a multitude of different places to have sex, or just a few minutes of fun, and we set about discovering them all. Of course, it isn’t essential that you are afforded enough protection to go all the way, all the time. A quick blow job for him or cunnilingus for her can be easier to get away with than a full on fuck. What you wear can make a difference too: if you straddle him with a skirt or dress that flows loosely to the ground, who’s to know that you have taken you knickers off, and that his fly is open?
Now, as you well know, sex in public is an offence, so I am not necessarily suggesting that you should follow my bad example. But if you were going to, you might be able to benefit from my experience. Here’s what I found.
Basement stairwells
The stairwells are almost always empty once lectures have started. But there is always the possibility of being caught by a tardy student making his or her way to class. The best stairwells are generally in the basement. These tend to be darker and quieter, particularly if there are no classrooms down there.
Lecture halls
Empty classrooms are high-risk, but can be used if you are clever. Firstly, you need to wait until about fifteen minutes after classes have started. The last thing you want is to be caught by a lecturer who has decided on a last minute change of venue because of a faulty projector. Secondly, make sure no cleaners are in the vicinity. They zoom thorough classrooms at lightning speed and will get to you sooner than you think. Thirdly, try to find a lecture hall with enough space behind the last row of seats. This offers some degree of privacy – and a hiding place – if you get interrupted.
Rooftops
Rooftops were always my favourite place. They offer the great outdoors and the only prying eyes likely to witness what you’re up to belong to pigeons. Most rooftops are out of bounds, so make sure no-one sees you heading up. Check the door carefully; many of them only open from inside and you don’t want to get stranded. Obviously, roofs can be dangerous. Don’t attempt this if you’ve had any alcohol, not even one small drink. You need a flat roof, but one with a safety barrier – and do stay away from the edges.
Theatre
Unless there are rehearsals on, the backstage area of the theatre will be generally be dark and empty. Perfect!
Parking Lots
Indoor and underground parking lots can be good, but outdoors is generally too risky. Student parking lots are almost always busy during the day, making your chances of getting rumbled high. On the plus side, if you do get caught, it will probably be by another student. Chances are, they are more likely to honk encouragement than report you to campus security, but you never know.
Sports grounds and gardens
These are better after dark, depending on how much security there is at night, but it’s still a high-risk location. An overzealous grounds man caught Chris and I at it on the cricket pitch. It was very embarrassing, but it could have been much worse if it had been campus security.
Library
Our university library was divided into two sections for old and newer books. The old book section was almost always completely deserted, making it perfect for a few minutes of stolen passion. But as it’s a library, you need to be very, very quiet. No grunting or moaning…
Like many things in life, sex on campus is best in moderation. You have to be pretty sure that you won’t get caught. The last thing you want is a record for public indecency or to get kicked out of college. You can minimise the risk by wearing clothes that can be quickly straightened or by restricting yourself to the many delicious options other than full sex. If you were to indulge, the golden rule is to be very, very careful.
On our sexual odyssey across campus, Chris and I discovered many places with little or no risk of being caught. They were quiet and private. Incidentally, I found that these were good places to study as well. You might want to make some time for that too! Have a great year.