STUART, WHAT S the story with vaginas?
Er, they re pink, women have them and . . .
No. Can you show them on stage?
Not for the first time I curse being off Journalist School the day that we were taught about female genitalia.
The reason this point of law has arisen is because one of the Irish conscripts to the Jim Rose Circus, Vixen, has shocked and amazed us by lifting a clompy pair of biker boots with her front-bottom.
Pas de problhme in rehearsal, but the sort of thing that could get you run out of town by Dublin Corporation if you try it in front of an audience.
The other pertinent question is why anyone should want to lift a pair of clompy biker boots with their privates. Vixen whose other speciality is dangling two full beer cans from her nipples insists it has nowt to do with sexual deviancy.
I ve had a couple of people come up to me and say you re a pervert , but, y know, they re the ones who bought a ticket, she says. If all they see is the body, rather than what the body can do with specific piercings, that s their problem. It s not dirty or pornographic, it s artistic.
As you ll doubtless have read a few weeks ago in Hot Press, Jim Rose has taken to supplementing his resident freaks with fresh-faced and indeed, fresh-organed hopefuls from the cities they visit.
Auditioning in front of Jim Rose is something that I never ever dreamed would happen, continues Vixen, who despite the dominatrix gear, sounds as squeaky clean as a TV3 Entertainment Correspondent.
I started doing this two years ago when I met up with another of tonight s Irish performers, Silver, in Galway. I had some body-piercings which, after seeing the Jim Rose video, I decided were being under-employed.
One Rosian stunt that Vixen draws the line at is blowing fire through the vagina.
I don t mind fire-eating and fire-breathing with my mouth, but you ve got to be so, so skilled to do it down there. Other stuff, like eating light-bulbs, is relatively easy. You just have to grind the glass down really, really small so that it doesn t tear your insides. A friend of mine accused me of being too normal to do it one night in the pub, so I proved him wrong.
You ll forgive me if I switch into Blue Peter-mode for a moment, but don t try this at home kids. Well, not unless you live within crawling distance of a casualty department.
Quizzed further, Vixen reveals that there s more to her velvet eye-mask and whisker combination than mere decoration.
I haven t quite got round to telling my parents yet, she grimaces. Not only that, but I hate people sticking labels on you before they ve even spoken to you. By retaining a degree of anonymity, I can get to know someone first and then tell them what I do.
Silver has no such qualms about being recognised for what he is, which is someone with an interest in the transmundane. An adjective, in case you re wondering, which according to our chums at Oxford University means: Not belonging to this world, out of, beyond, this world.
I ve been working towards getting some sort of group up and running for the past two years, he volunteers. There s not many of us, but looking at the quality of the performances today, I definitely think we could put together a small Irish show. And if that works, who knows? Maybe we can travel abroad.
Those sentiments are echoed by the Prince of Pain, a lami-shirted Meath man whose party piece is stubbing a blowtorch out on his tongue.
I started sticking pins in myself when I was seven, he explains matter-of-factly. When you re totally useless at sports, you have to find something else to do with your spare time! I waited until I was a bit older before telling my parents, but they re pretty cool about it. I ve toured here and in Spain, and am currently waiting for a visa so that I can go to Australia. I do street performing as well, so I never starve.
What about work-related accidents?
Loads of bumps and bruises, but no stitches or skin-grafts! There s always going to be some element of risk, but by researching what you do, and talking to other people, you can minimise it.
Despite the obvious camaraderie that exists between performers Vixen and Silver s professional relationship has subsequently blossomed into romance everybody has trade secrets that they refuse to divulge.
I ve asked the Prince of Pain to teach me the blowtorch trick but he s refused point-blank, laughs Preacher, a Dublin goth who s in tonight s show by dint of being able to nasal-floss with a condom.
A lot of things like sticking a 4 nail up your nose are basic anatomy. Which isn t to say that if you fuck up, you won t seriously hurt yourself. I know of a guy in America who s permanently scarred and blind in one eye as a result of getting the face in broken glass stunt wrong. You ve also got to be able to spot the drunks in the crowd that you don t want standing on your head while you re doing it!
Preacher s about to give me some flossing tips when we re interrupted by a breathless Jim Rose.
We re okay with the vagina, but Lifto s going to have to stick duct-tape on his penis.
The woodwork squeaks . . . n
The all-new Jim Rose Secrets Of The Strange show can be seen at Vicar St. up until August 6th.