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Caught In The Net
Suddenly Ashley Simpson doesn’t seem quite so bad. Caught In The Net has its flabber gasted by white nationalist pop teens Prussian Blue.
Stuart Clark, 20 Mar 2006
You’re just thinking that nothing can shock you any more when along come two blonde, blue-eyed, identical 13-year-old twins who’ve set themselves us as the teen-pop wing of the Aryan Nation.
“Lamb and Lynx Gaede are like a lot of 13-year-olds,” reports www.menstyle.com. “Except that they love Hitler and sing songs glorifying white supremacy.”
They then quote the twins’ doting mum, April, who ventures: “People want to depict everything that happened in World War II Germany as marching around killing Jews. They don’t want to understand how the whole ideology of National Socialism is really a beautiful thing. I mean, it really is.”
After pausing for a few seconds to think what a beautiful thing it would be for Mrs. Gaede to be involved in a fatal car crash, it’s off to the official www.prussianblue.net where you can hear samples of ‘Panzerlied’ (an old Wehrmacht battle hymn featuring a rhythm track of marching jackboots); ‘Sacrifice’ (a big-up to Ruldof Hess); and ‘The Stranger’ (‘This was my father’s belief/And this is also mine/Let the corn be all one sheaf/And the grapes be all one vine/Ere our children’s teeth are set on edge/By bitter bread and wine’).
In need of some light relief, it’s off to www.youtube.com/w/Trapped-in-the-Closet-9?v=y3SBCPot4Z4&search=trapped%20in%20the%20closet where you can view the latest thrilling installment of R. Kelly’s Trapped In The Closet “hip hopera”.
Possibly the worst case of musicianly self-indulgence since Rick Wakemen’s The Six Wives Of King Henry The VIII On Ice, it finds CIN’s favourite Mr. Loverman rapper playing the part of Sylvester, a cheated-on hubby who’s doubly shocked to find out his love rival is a midget (no, really).
Following our fantastic 20th place in the Winter Olympics, it’s sad that no Irish athletes are traveling to Georgia in July for the prestigious 10th Redneck Olympics. Log on to www.whatsonwhen.com/events/~52782.jml for details of the Mud-Pit Belly Flop, Hubcap Hurl and Bobbing For Pig’s Feet, a carnivorous version of the kiddies’ Halloween favourite involving seven slowly-defrosting trotters in a barrel of blood.