Cutting edge types that we are, Caught In The Net is always looking for new and technologically more advanced ways to get trolleyed. First it was powdered booze you can snort and now it’s the AWOL Vaporizer.

An acronym for “Alcohol With Out Liquid”, this modern-day version of the hookah (that’s water pipes to you) is the toast of San Francisco clubland and can be yours for just $2,000 plus shipping.

“Scientists estimate that the effects of the alcohol can be felt much quicker as it is directly absorbed through blood vessels in the nose or lungs bypassing the stomach,” says the Justice Minister baiting blurb at www.awolmachine.com. “It is designed to allow people to enjoy the effects of alcohol mixed with oxygen. It promotes a sense of well-being and a mild euphoria.”

Never mind well-being and mild euphoria, the main selling point is that “it’s low calorie”, which means you can run riot seven nights a week without turning into Jocky Wilson.
Unperturbed by his version of ‘Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds’ recently being adjudged to be one of the 10 Worst Songs of All Time, William “James T. Kirk” Shatner is back with a new collection of spoken word chestnuts.

Due in the shops on October 5, Has Been features collaborations with Henry Rollins, Ben Folds, Aimee Mann, Nick Hornby, Lemon Jelly, Joe Jackson and several other people who really ought to know better. If you’d like to hear him doing something truly unspeakable to Pulp’s ‘Common People’ click here

While one suspects that Will knows his appeal is predominantly of the kitsch variety, www.stevenseagal.com informs us that the Under Siege star’s Songs From A Crystal Cave opus “delivers titles to the American ultra consonance but also of more directed songs (ragga, Arab musics). Surrounded by such prestigious guests as B.B. King and Stevie Wonder, the actor adds a new cord to his arc.”

We’re not sure what’s worse – Steven Seagal’s sub-Tom Waits croak or his English.
Which just leaves time for über-quick visits to www.splosh.co.uk (CIN’s fave mucky magazine has a new website); www.skop.com/brucelee
(turn your computer into a Bruce Lee sound effects synthesiser); and www.eyebrowy.com (Glen Hansard and chums as you’ve never seen them before).