Here’s a question for you. Are vibrators the ultimate accessory for the modern, sexually independent woman? I think they just might be.
According to the 2005 Durex Global Sex Survey, 28% of Irish people own vibrators and almost half of us have used one during sex. I have a sneaking suspicion that by far the majority of those proud owners are women. After all, they are designed with our pleasure in mind.
Vibrators are to sex what the iPod is to music – if you don’t already have one, you are missing out and you damn well know it. Not that there is anything wrong with masturbating the old fashioned way. It works, but so do the old tape Walkmans. My fingers have many skills, but vibrating at speed for extending periods of time is not one of them. More’s the pity!
The vibrator is the girl’s refuge, a port in the turbulent storm of modern dating and mating. A vibrator removes the necessity of pulling. Don’t get me wrong: I don’t think a Rampant Rabbit could ever replace a flesh and blood man. Well, not until they come up with a sex toy that has a tongue. But it does make a decent substitute every now and again.
Now here’s a thought: a girl out on the town is almost certain to pull, if she wants to. Men, thankfully, are everywhere and so it’s child’s play to reel one in if you so desire. But sometimes it’s more trouble than it’s worth. Should a woman not see someone who takes her fancy, or if it seems her bloke is more likely to pass out than provide her with a night of passion, her vibrator is always ready, erect and raring to go. (As long as she’s remembered to stock up on batteries that is)...
The popularity of vibrators seems symbolic of our new openness to sexual experience. Owning a sex toy is not just about ensuring you can orgasm whenever you feel like it, but indicates that you are willing to take responsibility for your own sexual pleasure. We want to enjoy our sexuality, and we’ll do what it takes to ensure we do.
A culture of shame about sexuality, particularly woman’s sexuality, has long existed in Ireland – but it’s fast disappearing. The old sexual double standards still remain, and women’s sexual behaviour may still be judged according to someone else’s arbitrary idea of what is, and what is not, appropriate. But that’s less so now than ever before.
When I was growing up, I was taught that men were prey to sexual desires, but that women had much greater self-control. What planet my sex education teacher was living on, I don’t know. But the idea was that nice girls were not supposed to have desires, and if they did, they certainly were not supposed to talk about them, let alone act upon them.
It’s taken some time, but someone out there seems to have finally cottoned on to the fact that women enjoy sex. A lot. Once they realised there was gold-in-them-thar-hills, they were only too willing to cater. The sex industry has adapted to provide for the discerning female consumer. Sex toys no longer look like plastic penises but have been redesigned to appeal to us; woman-centred porn is a growing industry and large volumes of erotic literature are written for women, by women.
When the first Ann Summers shop opened in Dublin, there was more than a hint of outrage: what was a sex shop doing on Dublin’s most historic street? There were threats that the Corporation might shut them down, though they hadn’t bothered to move against the horrid fast food joints that litter the street (in more ways than one). However, the shop on O’Connell Street is now apparently one of the most successful of the chain’s stores, and the company plans to expand across Ireland.
Shops like this are successful because they understand their target market. They are based on the concept that every woman deserves a great sex life – and if she doesn’t already have it, they’ve just that very thing to ensure that she gets a little bit closer to it. They are clean, brightly lit and pander to the twin female loves of shopping and playing dress up.
Hundreds of lingerie and sex toy parties take place every year in Ireland. Chances are if you’ve ever been to one of these, you haven’t come home empty-handed. If buying a sex toy, massage oil or a pearl thong holds the promise of extra sensual pleasure, Irish women gladly hand over the cash.
This new openness towards sexuality is not just a female preserve of course. The Irish male may be derided in the media as a sexually repressed mammy’s boy, but the Durex survey tells a different story. We may not have as much sex as some of our European cousins, but we’re not doing too badly either. Here are some the figures: 49% of Irish people feel they are open minded about their sex lives; 35% like to look for new ideas and only 4% of us feel our sex lives are monotonous.
It’s really only in the last ten to fifteen years that contraception has become really widely available in Ireland. Until that time, Irish women had little control over their own sexual destiny. Now that we’ve come this far, there is no turning back the clock. We know that sex is one of life’s greatest pleasures and very few of us would willingly miss out.
If we are not getting any, nowadays we damn well do something about it – whether it’s going out to pull, joining an on-line singles site or buying a vibrator. Sex, in all its many and varied forms, is there to be enjoyed. Go on – indulge yourself. You have my blessing!