Standing naked in front of the mirror, I look down at my stomach and sigh. My tummy is not exactly huge, but it is not as flat as it used to be. A fondness for food in general and chocolate in particular will do that for you. Then there’s my arse… and thighs… and my calf muscles… all of which could use some, well, improvement.

I remind myself that the average woman thinks she is around 25% larger than she really is, and that whatever my worries, only one person has ever complained – and he turned out to be a total jerk in every way so I ought not to let that bother me. Still, these reassuring thoughts only get you
so far.
Body dissatisfaction has a tangible effect on our sex lives. It is difficult to relax and feel good about yourself if you are wondering if your flaws and imperfections are glaringly obvious, and it is virtually impossible to believe that anyone could love you if your physical form fills you with self-loathing and shame.
I have female friends who won’t have sex with the light on or allow their partners to perform oral sex because they cannot shake the idea that their bodies are revolting. I have male friends who worry about the size and shape of their penises, fearing that they don’t measure up, or that their bodies – being less than gym-toned – make them ugly in the eyes of potential partners. Given this, it’s hardly any surprise that many men need Dutch courage before they dare approach a woman.
Hating our bodies seems to be endemic. Sarah Grogan, author of Body Image: Understanding Body Dissatisfaction In Men, Women And Children argues that from as young as eight, most Western women experience some dissatisfaction with their bodies. This trend is not confined to women. Grogan notes that studies have found that from the age of eight, boys are concerned about their body shape as well.
The common answer to all this body dissatisfaction is that it’s all the fault of the media. There is something to be said for this view. An intensified policing of the body has marked the last 20 years. Think of all those magazines highlighting cellulite, tummy rolls and moobs, all marked with a red circle in case you miss it. If someone as beautiful as Scarlett Johansson can be picked on for having less than perfect thighs, I must be a monster.
It’s not just the media that’s the problem, however. Disgust with our physical selves is much older than advertising and celebrity culture. Plato and Aristotle saw the body as mere matter: real bodies were imperfect copies of an ideal form. In Christianity the body is particularly associated with evil. Galatians 5:19-21 lists 17 sins of the flesh: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness and revelries. If the foundational tenets or ideas of Western philosophy and religion are suspicious of bodies, it is hardly surprising that so many of us are not exactly enamoured with our own.
Dieting, counting calories and general worrying about your looks used to be an almost exclusively female preoccupation, but not any more. ‘Shapewear’ – foundation garments – as well as skincare products, hair colour and tinted face creams are increasingly being marketed to men. Advertising preys on our insecurities and fears. After all, you have to convince someone they have a problem before you can sell them the supposed solution.
As I write, Amazon lists nearly 20,000 paperbacks about diet and nutrition and over 25,000 on fitness and exercise. While these are marketed under the rubric of health, it seems to me that once you consider the increase in cosmetic surgery something more questionable is going on.
I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with cosmetic surgery per se, and it often can be a lifeline for people who have undergone horrific accidents or a mastectomy, but what annoys me is that advertisements for cosmetic surgery almost all suggest that this is some sort of empowering activity that will allow a more confident and happier person to emerge.
This one is typical: “Small breasts... can be a source of concern or embarrassment to a woman. But breast enlargement surgery is one way to make you feel more confident and feminine again.” I wasn’t aware I was supposed to be embarrassed by my small boobs, and if I want to feel extra feminine, I’ll crack out the good lingerie.
If they really wanted to make us feel better about ourselves, women’s magazines wouldn’t run these ads, they’d remind us that breasts are inherently good things. Small, medium or large, boobs are all good.
Unfortunately the message that you should “sort yourself out” appears to be working. Figures from the American Society of Plastic Surgeons showed a 45% increase in breast augmentations between 2000 and 2008. American trends in plastic surgery are not unique. The British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons (BAAPS) reported that there was a threefold increase in the number of cosmetic procedures performed in the United Kingdom between 2003 and 2008. The most popular procedures were breast enhancement and tummy tucks, both of which rose by 30%.
While breast augmentation for women allows them to become more ‘feminine’, one of the most popular procedures for men – breast reduction – allows them to become less feminine. One advert suggests that “excess tissue in the chest area is a source of embarrassment for many men” and that surgery “can provide a new lease of life for any man who previously felt inhibited by the ‘breast-like’ appearance to his chest.”
According to BAAPS, male breast reduction increased by 44% between 2007 and 2008. The number of British men choosing plastic surgery is still relatively small. Only 22 men in Britain elected to undergo breast reduction in 2003, but this increased to 323 in 2008. It seems probable that the upsurge in media scrutiny of male bodies is partly responsible.
The term ‘moobs’, a contraction of ‘man’ and ‘boobs’, seems to have first appeared in the British press in 2004. Between 2004 and early 2009, ‘moobs’ or ‘man boobs’ appeared in the British press over 500 times and male celebrities and politicians are routinely mocked for their less than perfect physiques. As the term ‘moobs’ suggests, male bodies that present this condition are feminised and cosmetic surgeons know that it’s a smart way to drum up business by suggesting that moobs make you less of a man. Er, no, they don’t. You might not like having them, but moobs don’t rob you of your Y chromosome.
With the proliferation in the number of cosmetic procedures, the body is increasingly seen as something that should be made to correspond to an ideal form – we have ‘no excuse’ for being less than perfect. You can get the fat sucked out of your thighs; silicone implants in your arse; your abs sculpted or your tummy tucked; your penis can be made bigger or your vagina ‘prettier’ and smaller; and of course, your moobs reduced or your boobs increased.
With the goalposts of perfection constantly shifting it’s not surprising that many of us fear that getting naked opens us up to critique and rejection. Why risk showing off your body in all its fleshy glory when you can turn out the lights or keep your T-shirt on? How are women – who already have more difficulty reaching orgasm – supposed to enjoy themselves sexually if they are worrying about spare tyres? How are men supposed to feel manly when they are told that even a slightly overweight chest turns them into a woman?
Body dissatisfaction is at it’s most damaging not when we are trying on yet another pair of jeans that don’t fit, but when it prevents us from being truly intimate and sexual with a partner.
The funny thing is most of us worry more about our own imperfections than our partners’. It’s unlikely that your partner thought you were rocking the body of Gisele or Tyson Beckford before they persuaded you into bed, and chances are they really don’t care. Your body may be less than perfect, but it is a vehicle that can give you much pleasure.
Food is one. Sex is another – and they are not mutually incompatible. Hell no, they’re excellent together.