Are one night stands the answer?

We all want good sex. And the frisson of newness can add something special to the mix. So, does that make one night stands the ticket to sexual bliss?

Anne Sexton, 29 May 2012

In matters sexual, there are few things that shock me anymore. Years of doing research for this column mean that when confronted with strange or new information, or indeed fresh ‘perversions’, I take them in my stride.

So you can imagine how disconcerted I must have been when on a chilly May evening, Damien, my good friend of many years, made an announcement of a sexual nature that shocked me into silence.

“I’ve given up one-night stands,” he declared.

Damien, it should be noted, has been in committed pursuit of uncommitted sex in all the time I’ve known him. They say that the leopard doesn’t change his spots, but it appears that they, whoever they are, are wrong.

Having recovered my composure enough to enquire if he was ill, and receiving a response in the negative, I asked the gentleman to elaborate.

“They’re just not doing it for me anymore,” he said. “You know, I think that great sex is really all about the person you’re with.”

It’s not strictly true that you could have knocked me down with a feather – I am eight-and-a-half stone after all – but I was certainly flabbergasted. I’d being trying to persuade Damien of this for years with absolutely zero success.

Me, I am not a fan of one night stands. This is not for moral or religious reasons, of course. I don’t think there is anything wrong in two consenting adults deciding to spend the night together, whether they have known each other for years or hours.

I have no doubt that sex with a stranger can be a beautiful thing; erotically-charged, passionate, and utterly compelling – but for the most part it is not. Granted it can still be very enjoyable. However, be it good, bad or merely indifferent, in Dublin it is almost always drunken, and drunk men are rarely any good in bed. This is no slight on them – I am not much cop myself after one too many.

My objections thus, are more of a practical nature – I can’t see how heading home with a drunk stranger would result in a satisfactory sexual experience for me, or them. On the whole, I think it wiser not to get naked with someone unless I am sure both of us are up to the task – him literally, and me figuratively.

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