Never mind the bruised purple skies and relentless drizzle, Movies Monday is back with a feast of eye-popcorn for all cinemagoers.

Almost as mixed as our metaphors are the advance reviews for Jack Reacher, the $50 million flick which brings author Lee Child’s ex-US Army Military Police Major turned private detective to the big screen in time from Chrimbo. Tom Cruise, who could do with a bit of media love at the moment, is the man entrusted with lifting him off the page and launching what Paramount no doubt hope will be a lucrative franchise. With Rosamund Pike and the always-dependable Robert Duvall co-starring, the critics may be proved wrong on this one.

“In an innocent heartland city, five are shot dead by an expert sniper,” reads the blurb. “The police quickly identify and arrest the culprit, and build a slam-dunk case. But the accused man claims he's innocent and says, ‘Get Jack Reacher.’ Reacher himself sees the news report and turns up in the city. The defence are immensely relieved, but Reacher has come to bury the guy. Shocked by the accused’s request, Reacher sets out to confirm for himself the absolute certainty of the man's guilt, but comes up with more than he bargained for.”

We’re sure your appetite for the new Batman movie is fully whetted, but just in case here’s a 13-minute The Dark Knight Rises ‘Making Of’ and a new featurette that went live yesterday. Tom Hardy looks the real bad ass villain deal as Bane, a terrorist leader with a natty line in facewear.

We all know they’re dab hands at gritty noir, but Klown also suggests that the Danes know a thing or three about anarchic comedy.

“Klown follows two wildly inappropriate friends — played by celebrated international comedians Frank Hvam and Casper Christensen — as they run amok through the Danish countryside, plowing through endless awkward confrontations and unspeakable debaucheries,” we’re told. “Hopelessly wrongheaded Frank ‘kidnaps’ the 12-year-old nephew of his pregnant girlfriend in an eager attempt to prove his fatherhood potential, and they join sex-crazed Casper on his secret adulterous weekend canoe trip. Rampaging through exclusive brothels, hospitalisations, armed robberies and even prison, the three paddle downstream from one chaotic misadventure to the next, all culminating in a surprisingly sentimental portrait of friendship and a final shocking reveal that you'll never be able to unsee.”
Word of warning: the following is definitely not suitable for watching at work!

He won't be coming to the Button Factory on July 15 with the rest of his Wu Tang Clanmates, but you’ll be able to see RZA popping eyeballs in their new kung fu epic, The Man With The Iron Fists, which also includes Russell Crowe, Jamie Chung and Lucy Liu in the cast. Executive produced by Quentin Tarantino, it has a suitably fast ‘n’ furious hip hop soundtrack and hits screens – hard! – in the autumn.

It’s only a few months till we discover how well The Inbetweeners Movie has adapted to the small screen. Judging by this trailer, rather well.

Kids of all ages will be heading to see Dr Seuss' The Lorax, which drops on July 27 and features the voices of Zac Effron, Danny DeVito, Ed Helms and Betty White.

Movies Monday is hearing only good things about Lonely Planet, Israeli director Edan Zeira’s award-winning search for an elusive Holocaust survivor.

“A documentary-filming crew emerges on an incredible ghost chase across the endless Siberian plains, traveling along the Trans-Siberian rails in a vain pursuit of a genuine person who spent three solitary long years in the Belarus vast forests amidst a pack of wolves,” reads the synopsis. “During their quest they reach some of the most God forsaken parts of the globe and encounter places and persons who seem to have materialised directly from pages of Gogol's and Dostoyevsky's Russia. And that’s, mind you, even before they meet the boy who lived with wolves.”

After that a bit of light relief courtesy of one of Movies Monday’s guiltiest pleasures, Kevin Smith, who plays “a high school teacher looking to become a mixed-martial arts fighter in an effort to raise money to prevent extra-curricular activities from being axed at his cash-strapped school” in the imminent Here Comes The Boom. Formulaic or not, it looks rather fun.

As does For A Good Time, Call, a NYC-based rom-com starring Ari Graynor, Lauren Miller and Justin Long, which is out Stateside on August 31. Miller’s real-life hubbie Seth Rogan cameos.

Movies Monday is also looking forward to having a gawp at Craiglist Joe, a zeitgeist-chasing “31 Days › No money › No Contacts › Endless Possibilities” doc about one man’s attempt to find salvation through social media.

“As 2008 drew to a close, the United States found itself in one of the most precarious financial meltdowns in modern history,” we’re told. “News programmes spoke of the worst economy since the great depression and demise of the American Dream. Unemployment was soaring and millions were losing their homes. Rather than banding together and helping one another, people started pointing fingers and casting blame. Many feared the sense of community that had once carried us through tough times had dissolved into an attitude of ‘every man for himself.’ Many were sceptical that today’s self-involved society would be able to weather the storm without its traditional social supports.
“It was in this climate that 29-year-old Joseph Garner cut himself off from everyone he knew and everything he owned, to embark on a bold adventure. Armed with only a laptop, cell phone, toothbrush, and the clothes on his back – alongside the hope that community was not gone but just had shifted – Joe lived for a month looking for alms in America’s new town square: Craigslist. For 31 December days and nights, everything in his life would come from the Craigslist website. From transportation to food, from shelter to companionship, Joe would depend on the generosity of people who had never seen him and whose sole connection to him was a giant virtual swap meet.”

If you haven’t already, Movies Monday suggests you immediately check out Collider, a thinly disguised re-working of Doctor Who whose six webisodes should satisfy even the nerdiest of sci-fi fans.

Turning to the small screen now, and London Calling finds Jools Holland embarking on “a personal journey through the streets, historical landmarks, pubs, music halls and rock ‘n’ roll venues of London to uncover a history of the city through its songs, the people who wrote them and the Londoners who joined in the chorus.”
We’re pleased to report that he’s as good a tour guide as he is music show host.

Next, a first look at Hotel Transylvania, a Dracula animation starring the voices of Adam Sandler, Selena Gomez, Cee-Lo and marking time before the return of Boardwalk Empire, Steve Buscemi.
Due in October, the score is by Mark Mothersbaugh who the elderly among you will remember as 25% of Akron, Ohio art punks Devo.

The sad news over the weekend was that 95-year-old Hollywood legend Ernest Borgnine has died in LA from renal failure. To appreciate his genius check out From Here To Eternity, the 1953 film Borgnine starred in alongside Burt Lancaster, Montgomery Clift, Deborah Kerr, Donna Reed and Frank Sinatra. The winner of eight Oscars, you’ll find it in any self-respecting rental store.

And that, we’re sorry to say, is your Movies Monday lot save for us urging you not to waste your hard-earned money on going to see the cinematic atrocity that is Katy Perry Part Of Me, AKA the most cynical manipulation of a marital break-up in the world… ever! What money on her and Russ getting back together and splitting up again in time for Part Of Me 2, Tell us what cynical bastards we are at [email protected]