The vastness of the US makes it fertile ground for a spot of niche publishing. Take Raising Teens, for example. Or, to give it its full title Better Homes and Gardens, Raising Teens. Bizarrely, it seems that this publishing stable s new magazine will enable you to sort out your troublesome teenager much as you would a below-par chrysanthemum.
With enticing features like Does Grounding Work? , 20 Ways To Connect With Your Teen , and 7 Secrets To Raising Good Teens , the mag s Premier Issue covers plenty of ground for the concerned parent.
The tone, though, suggests this concern is based more on an authoritarian, WASP-ish mindset than anything else. The possibility that people in their late teens could be having sex or experimenting with soft drugs is met with a level of horror which would be more appropriate if they had taken to drinking blood and making snuff movies in their spare time.
Raising Teens also offers priggish nuggets of wisdom: Successful teens have a strong relationship with God, we are informed, while it is beholden to the good parent to model integrity wherever you go.
There is also the statutory dollop of Stateside overstatement. In a parental questions answered feature, Roy, an executive, is gravely con-cerned because my wife and I feel like we are losing the war on chores. Suitably solemn answers to Roy s domestic Nam are delivered by Sue: Issue an ultimatum and Georgann: Start taking away privileges and setting consequences.
This tone continues when it comes to grounding. Some of the parents questioned favour reasoned approaches: actually explaining what the teen has supposedly done wrong, for instance. But Sharon from Lewisville, Texas is having none of that pinko liberal shit. She knows what really matters when dealing with her daughter: It s no snacks, and she really likes her snacks. You have to hit em where it hurts, the Iron Lady of the cookie jar states.
To be fair not everything in Raising Teens is that bad. There are thoughtful responses to the Columbine massacre, and an insightful investigation into student sexual harassment. And besides, some of the statistics with which Raising Teens is peppered make parental concern seem eminently understandable.
Try this for size: In 1997, 973 000 sixth to 12th grade students brought guns to school.
Welcome to the land of opportunity. And mind those teens! n
Niall Stanage